tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54889963805878449112024-03-17T22:29:13.002+10:00Sparrows and LiliesAngelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-46367686500005684672023-10-14T02:21:00.004+10:002023-10-14T02:57:18.870+10:00Jesus Takes Us By the Hand<p>Mark 1</p><p>Jesus called out, "Follow me!" <br />So Simon and Andrew left their nets.<br />They didn't "need" to change their career and livelihood.<br />But something about this opportunity was intriguing to them.<br />They watch as this Rabbi Jesus preached the Word of God with authority.<br />It was almost as if He was the Word in the flesh.<br />He preached and casted out demons.<br />A man that drives out demons?<br />This news was drawing in crowds.<br />When He was done they left.<br />But He did not confine his ministry to a building.<br />It continued in people's homes.<br />It continued in people's hearts.<br />Simon's mother-in-law laid sick in bed with a fever.<br />They told Jesus of her condition.<br />"She's sick," that's all they said.<br />What would they gain from telling Jesus? <br />Did they hope he would heal her? <br />Were they too afraid to ask him to do so?<br />Or maybe they told Jesus to stay away and not get sick.<br />Nonetheless Jesus knew their hearts<br />He knew their unspoken prayers.<br />So<br />He went by her.<br />He took her by the hand and helped her up.<br />He healed her.<br /><br />Jesus heals.<br />But did you also know that He takes you by the hand to help you up?<br />This was the Messiah, Son of God, Word in the flesh.<br />Jesus didn't "need" to help her get up.<br />He could've healed her without being by her side.<br />But He did it anyways.<br />He went beyond healing a sickness. <br />He healed the sickness of the soul.<br />He did not just raise her up from bed,<br />He raised her spirit too.<br />She rose and served.<br />She wasted no time to prepare a meal for them.<br />A meal she didn't "need" to make.<br />But how could she resist serving<br />from a heart of love and gratitude?<br /><br /><br /><br />Jesus, Son of God, came down here on Earth.<br />He didn't "need" to live among us.<br />He didn't "need" to die for our sins.<br />But His heart yearned for us.<br />Although we give Him nothing in return.<br />We are His everything.<br />He wants to be with us.<br />He saw you and said, "I need to be with you."<br />So a sacrifice was "needed."<br /><br />So how do I respond?<br />To continue to remember how much I need Jesus,<br />and how He fulfills every need.<br />But I know my sinful nature will twist my mind<br />And twist my priorities.<br />I think I need to be like the world.<br />I think I need to be perfect.<br />I think I need to have control.<br />Or I think I <i>don't</i> need God.<br /><br />But I need a Savior.<br />I need to focus on the truth.<br />The truth is: I am needy.<br /><br />Jesus grabs us by the hand.<br />And heals us from our sickness of sin.<br />How can we stay <br />lying in bed?<br /><br /><br />We get up and serve.<br />Our "small" acts that meet people's need.<br />We don't need to be a comfort to someone.<br />We don't need to invite a stranger to our home.<br />We don't need to serve the poor.<br />We don't need to go outside our comfort zone.<br />Which are all true if we were selfish<br />But the needy know what they've been saved from.<br />The needy know the sickness of the soul.<br />This small act might be all they need for someone to see their need for God.<br /><br />See your neediness<br />And see how this Jesus, Messiah, Son of God will meet you hand in hand <br />to meet your needs and those around you.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Huh... did I accidentally make a chiasm? Maybe not the whole thing, but it does begin with the calling of disciples and ends with what we're called to do as disciples. Anyways, I did not "need" to write this whole thing (haha, get it). Mark 1:30-31 was the verse that changed my view on Jesus. This small action of Jesus helping her up was so impactful me. I understood Jesus to be Lord, Savior, Messiah, but now I saw Him truly as Love. As I was reflecting on this verse I wanted to see what happened beforehand, so I wrote my thoughts on those verses and then this whole thing came to be. I just wanted to reflect on the verse that I read during my Bible studies out of nostalgia, but the Spirit said, "You're going to write all your thoughts." I don't even know what this is. It's not a poem. Should I just call it open thoughts? Haha.<br />God continues to amaze me how His word is alive and active. This verse that impacted me 5 years ago continues to impact me and even more.</p><p><br /></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjipjkKM73sBllBmGOZz6XXmKG_F74qekEZMFJKiqaiCv_Y-nYZGT413oWhDMK9ADkbB9Sp9DVdz-I2RnFjQeEYDHWURyoB8CKoEke3D13AyTzSyvmNkp59Eyxd4UHTXLjHOgz14UMYhxleHwYzyLJFuvf83wrBckVV7gqtaC7He6sgr8eMJHs65KZgOg4/s2704/IMG_0009_jpg.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2704" data-original-width="2314" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjipjkKM73sBllBmGOZz6XXmKG_F74qekEZMFJKiqaiCv_Y-nYZGT413oWhDMK9ADkbB9Sp9DVdz-I2RnFjQeEYDHWURyoB8CKoEke3D13AyTzSyvmNkp59Eyxd4UHTXLjHOgz14UMYhxleHwYzyLJFuvf83wrBckVV7gqtaC7He6sgr8eMJHs65KZgOg4/s320/IMG_0009_jpg.jpg" width="274" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Picture taken on a walk at Hilton.<br />I didn't "need" to go on a walk,<br />but at the end of it I realized how much I needed it</td></tr></tbody></table><p></p><p><br /></p><p><br /><br /></p>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-91055304332041102023-07-22T21:35:00.004+10:002023-07-26T00:24:21.305+10:00What is Leadership?<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhia7aM6OD3BOA6w8Gkfn6iV0sBq4FoRA7MTt1q2EGpSDY7Z3JUTSBV7yv9nUrtVLbawDVjl3XmBPQ3juEpBhk2-ftBxvbdFnl6Em2gpgwGICnQDEAL1P_qTHcvXKZWLJIEX8gSVdQKUT_wlfQ9AYmsBwAfWct_yR1AKw1KcJX1c4n8Q_mJdRhIbYzU/s4032/IMG_0765.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhia7aM6OD3BOA6w8Gkfn6iV0sBq4FoRA7MTt1q2EGpSDY7Z3JUTSBV7yv9nUrtVLbawDVjl3XmBPQ3juEpBhk2-ftBxvbdFnl6Em2gpgwGICnQDEAL1P_qTHcvXKZWLJIEX8gSVdQKUT_wlfQ9AYmsBwAfWct_yR1AKw1KcJX1c4n8Q_mJdRhIbYzU/w480-h640/IMG_0765.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">A conversation I had with a sister stays vivid in my memory because the comment she made baffled me. <i>"I see you as a leader,"</i> she said. It doesn't take someone to know me well to assess that I<b> do not</b> fit the stereotypical characteristics of a leader: a go-getter, passionate, motivator, team player. I will also add that she said this moments after I was crying in the car. I saw myself as overly emotional, sensitive, a people pleaser, and terrible at setting boundaries. So here I was wiping tears in her car, feeling weak and poor in spirit, and she suddenly throws out that she sees me leading something? I casted that comment aside thinking that she must've said that to make me feel better.</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">Fast-forward two years later, I find myself in a leadership position with the church as a part time intern for our campus ministry. I wrestled with insecurity and wanting to prove myself worthy of the position through my achievements. The job I once found excitement and joy in slowly morphed into fear and anxiety. I knew I had to take a step by and ask myself, "what is leadership to God?" These are His people and not mine. If I wanted to be a good steward of His people I had to ask - <i>What does it mean to be a leader?</i> Why does God even appoint people into leadership positions? What are my responsibilities?</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">I was at a Christian bookstore to buy a Bible for a friend who recently became a disciple. That was the only thing I planned to buy, but as my eyes darted across the bookshelf a book that read "LEAD" stood out to me (maybe because of the aesthetic art). It was a God-sent book because it opened my eyes to what God intended leadership for his kingdom to be. This blogpost will probably be heavily inspired by that book, <i>Lead: 12 Gospel Principles for Leadership in the Church</i> by Paul David Tripp, but it is more so my own meditation and application than a review.</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><h3 style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">How do You View Leadership?</span></b></h3><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">Let's take a step back and see how the world views leadership.<br /></span></p><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">I automatically think of an outspoken person, someone who is confident in making decisions, and has their eyes on the goal. And if you google "leader," many images of leadership shows someone guiding people, inspiring, motivating, and striving to make a way. In kingdom leadership we also want to inspire our ministry and help guide the way, but if we place ourselves as the person on the front lines we will only burn ourselves out. A leader in God's eyes is never alone and never the one paving the way. Christ has already conquered and won, we are to follow the path He has already put out for us. <u>To be a leader means to be a follower. </u></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span>Thus, a leader simply shows their ministry the path that has already been made. W</span><span>e as disciples follow Jesus</span><span>, the pioneer (Hebrews 12:2). And once again a leader is never alone, behind every leader is a group of support systems that are also leading them back to the path.</span></span></div><div><p><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></p></div><h3 style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">The Word of God : Alive and Active</span></h3><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> Leadership is a paradoxical way of God. What we think is strength is actually weakness and who we think is incompetent is exactly what God needs. It doesn't matter our gift, how well we do our job, or how liked we are, if we are not coming before God in humility. </span><span>We need to see ourselves clearly to be used by God. He can use anyone to lead. Anyone.</span><br /><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>David</b> a young shepherd boy</span></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Jonah</b> a runaway prophet who didn't want the Ninevites to know God</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Balaam</b> a prophet who went against God for money</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Samson</b> who also disobeyed God</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">Time and time again God shows us that the vessels he uses has no power against His word. Salvation will come to those who seek Him with all their heart, despite the imperfect vessels of clay that carry the gospel.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span>But of course we want to be godly leaders, lest we are disqualified for the prize ourselves (1 Corinthians 9:27). </span>All this to say is that we do not need to be insecure when we spread the Gospel. There is no need to wish we were charismatic, an amazing speaker, or have a master's degree in theology. As long as your heart is for God, His truth, and His people, all those other gifts will come later (plus each person is gifted in their own way). God's word will come back to produce it's fruits.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><blockquote><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.</i> (Isaiah 55:10-11 NIV)</span></div></blockquote><p><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></p><div><h3 style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">A Leader is Consistent</span></h3><div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">We go through seasons of life, and it's normal for our walk with God to be in seasons as well. But consistency in our love for Christ must be a priority because with this, love overflows to all the other areas of our life - family, friends, and the ministry we lead. <br /><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">Here are some areas God is teaching me to be consistent in:</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">-Consistent in reaching out </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">-Consistent in being a friend</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">-Consistent in working for the Lord even when favorable results don't happen</span></div><span style="font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">I thought about this idea of consistent leaders while I went for a run. Everyday in the evening there's always this man wearing a neon yellow shirt that runs his same route. My friends and I would call him "hero" because this man runs literal marathon. I know many people who run long distances, but to do it everyday...that's impressive. The distance he runs was impressive, but it's his consistency that made him stand out. That's why people remember him and look up to him. His discipline to show up everyday is very much admirable, and for our kingdom leaders to have this quality would benefit the ministries. People love consistent friends, they're reliable and safe spaces. Let us be leaders who can be consistent. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div></div><h3 style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">A Leader is a Gardener</span></h3></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">I admire those with a green thumb. I can hardly keep a succulent alive. But recently I've started decorating my apartment with plants and learning how to keep them green and growing. I realized how different but also how similar each plant is. They're similar in the way that they all need water, soil, and light, but different amounts of it. Each plant is placed in a different part of the house, a place where they can thrive.</span></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">Just as each person has their specific place so they can thrive.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">To those who lead a ministry or small group, it's important to indicate where your members thrive as individuals. They have the soil, the water, the light, but whether or not they will grow in those conditions is up to a leader to be a good gardener and place them where they need to be.</span></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">But of course, we are only a reflection of <i>the </i>Gardener.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><h3 style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Conclusion...for now</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></h3><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">I finish this blogpost with a verse most leaders already know, but whether they know it in their heart will reflect in their leadership. </span></div><div><p></p><p></p><blockquote style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.</i> (John 15:1-8 NIV)</span></blockquote><p><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="text-align: center;">Beneath the event planning, group gatherings, Bible talks, and studies; the community service, late night talks, and new friends... I've learned leadership is simply being</span><b style="text-align: center;"> the best example of a servant. </b><span style="text-align: center;">If you find yourself in a leadership role, count it as a blessing to learn more about the servanthood of Christ.</span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiksbmNEfmEabDnfDReZnWNYHpceATdB5okUmJo99b7gkzreWWAvQIEQWk72I3EKeLFUST6CcyrqPGdpyhkWRIeQa0R0mFnjB2wx0qrk110spl4_e75o1nF2oLT4nCOC5KoeE-bt3oLXPQgHTsWqZzwEauKPObvFt8_5fMfeahPR7M_5Pike_dDOYm2/s4032/IMG_0884.HEIC" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiksbmNEfmEabDnfDReZnWNYHpceATdB5okUmJo99b7gkzreWWAvQIEQWk72I3EKeLFUST6CcyrqPGdpyhkWRIeQa0R0mFnjB2wx0qrk110spl4_e75o1nF2oLT4nCOC5KoeE-bt3oLXPQgHTsWqZzwEauKPObvFt8_5fMfeahPR7M_5Pike_dDOYm2/w640-h480/IMG_0884.HEIC" width="640" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">There are often times I wonder why God gave me the opportunity to be a campus intern. I was going through an imposter syndrome the first year of being on staff for ministry. But like the sister that saw something in me, same goes for the ministers that asked if I would like to go part-time. They did not see my weaknesses, if they only saw that I doubt they'd want to hire me. What they saw was simply someone who wants to work for the Lord whether on staff or out. I'm forever grateful for those who have eyes of faith for me and continue to lead me to the truth of Christ. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>Jesus washes His disciples' feet: “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.</i> (John 13:13-17 NIV)</span></div><p></p><p></p></div>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-44217550233817628752022-05-10T23:23:00.005+10:002022-06-06T16:48:02.250+10:00Specific Prayer<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> Lately my prayer life has been strange. I've been praying daily and being vulnerable, but something was still off in my connection. I haven't exactly been "excited" to pray. I'd talk to God, but there was no eagerness to present my requests, desires, hopes, and dreams. I'm not hesitating but instead I'm tossing a bunch of prayers in the air hoping that one of them would be answered. I listened to a podcast where the speaker quoted something along the lines of "praying vaguely is like shooting everywhere hoping that at least one target has been shot but also hitting all the wrong spots." Yeah, my prayers have been vague. It began to feel stagnant. </span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><i><span style="font-size: medium;">Heal this person.</span></i></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Give me clarity.</i></div></i><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Help me be more intentional.</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Bring open souls to study the Bible.</i></div></i></span><p></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">It's not bad if you pray like that, but at least in my heart <u>I was staying vague on purpose</u>. Sisters in New York would ask me to make my prayers more specific, "When do you want this answered by - days, weeks, months, this year? Give a little more detail." </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">My heart was conflicted to pray specifically because I had thoughts like, <i>Why should I pray specifically? Isn't that challenging God to answer my prayers how I want it? Why should God cater towards me? Isn't that prideful?</i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">But as 1 John 5:13-15 puts it, </span></div><p></p><blockquote><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">"I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him."</span></p></blockquote><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">This gives me the same vibes as Proverbs 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." First we must truly understand the former to understand the latter. <br /></span></p><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Delight yourself <b>in the Lord</b> <b>--></b> and He will give you the desires of your heart.<br /><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: center;">If we ask anything accord to <b>His will ---> </b>we know that we have what we asked of Him.</div><br />A separate blogpost would be needed to go deeply into what it means to "know what the will of God is.” I think to know what God’s will is is to have a true hunger and thirst for righteousness, walking closely in His word and living it out, and then we'll know the mind and heart of God. And honestly I don’t think I’m there yet. But notice how the verse says, “this is the<i> confidence </i>we have in approaching God!” Knowing His will is possible (1 Corinthians 2:16), God hears us, and our prayers are being answered. Obviously my vague prayers show that I'm not approaching God with confidence haha.</span><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Mark 11:22-26</span></p><blockquote><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">“Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”</span></p></blockquote><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Right before this passage Jesus and his disciples pass by a fig tree Jesus cursed, and now it was withered from the roots. I love the fig tree passage because it caught me off guard to see Jesus suddenly curse a fig tree. This time it spoke differently to me. I am the withered fig tree. Me! My prayer life is dry and not producing fruit. Although I still pray and present my requests, I'm being the leafy fig tree with the appearance of being fruitful but in closer inspection had no fruit to pick. And eventually if this keeps up, I can be withered from the roots. I think it's so timely for the passage to transition to verses about prayer - have faith, have no doubt, whatever you ask for in prayer believe you have received it. Bold, courageous, audacious, and miraculous prayers.</span></div><span><div style="font-size: large; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Then I had another thought...The fig tree was not supposed to bear fruit "because it was not the season for figs" (Mark 11:13), yet Jesus went to check it out. He was disappointed to find no fruit. Well that's weird, Jesus, of course there would be no fruit! But if I'm going to relate it back to our spiritual life, it echoes the verse in 2 Timothy 4:2 "Preach the word; </span><b><span style="font-size: medium;">be prepared in season and out of season</span></b><span style="font-size: medium;">; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction." </span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm kinda stretching it a bit, but these were just my thoughts lawl.</span></div><div style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Like the fig tree, we can bear fruit despite it not being the season. </span><span style="font-size: medium;">Not to take 2 Timothy 4:2 out of context since Paul is writing to Timothy about preaching and not praying, but the idea of not waiting for the right time can be applicable. </span></div></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Perhaps there's doubt in our hearts since it's not the right season...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Now is not the right time...</i></div></i><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Maybe in the future...</i></div></i><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>It'll take forever for this prayer to be answered!</i></div></i><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Perhaps our prayers aren't bold because we think it's not the season <i>to pray</i>... </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Well, I don't need to pray for campus that much because it's summer break.</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>It's definitely not going to happen now, why pray for it?</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Things are going well with this, I don't need to pray for it now.</i></div></i></span><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">May my faith increase when I am tempted to limit myself with waiting to be "in season." May my prayer life flourish and be consistent even when life is going "well." May I stop looking leafy green and actually be producing fruit. May I be ready in and out of season. May I have faith that moves mountains.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">And James 4:3 mentions what I said in the beginning of the blogpost, what I fear my heart will be when I do pray specifically.</span></p><blockquote><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">"You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions." </span></p></blockquote><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">There are more verses on prayer, but these few have been convicting me. Am I walking that closely to God to be able to say that I am confident that I'm asking in His will, that I am not doubting, and that I'm praying with a pure heart? </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Anyways, I was not planning on writing about scripture. I was just going to write a blogpost of my current specific prayers but I guess the Holy Spirit had other plans. Here are my some prayers I usually pray for myself, but now turned into specific prayers.<br /><br />Prayers I've been praying:<br /></span></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-size: medium;">God to use me where He wants me</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Family to be saved</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Campus ministry</span></li></ul><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Specific prayers!</span></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Clarity by this month on my career path (continuing ministry, staying on Guam, or looking for a totally new job)</span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">My sister to meet my friends this month</span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Be in contact with certain people again and for them to come out to our events </span></li></ul><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">If you look at my "About Me" page on the bottom it says --<br /><u style="background-color: white; color: #171717; font-family: Montserrat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">Current bold prayer</u><span style="background-color: white; color: #171717; font-family: Montserrat; text-align: center;">: I'm not going back to New York until I see a baptism at home!!</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Looking back...that prayer was a selfish one, like what James 4:3 warns about "asking wrongly."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I wanted to leave Guam, but I didn't want to return to New York without a story of a baptism. In my heart I wanted to lift myself up and say, "see what happened while I was gone," kinda thing. Don't get me wrong, I truly want people to be baptized into Christ, but intertwined in that prayer was this sort of Savior-complex, pride, and self-righteousness. Moments like this make me confident that God will reveal to us if our prayers are aligned with His will.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Where am I going with this blogpost? I don't know but most of my posts are just my thoughts and journal entries anyways. I'll probably update this post when I learn more about praying, praying specifically, and learning more about the verses I mentioned. But since I've been praying specifically I can tell my prayer life is different. Just recently I prayed for God to encourage me because I was discouraged to see so many people stop studying, dwindle out, and friends not hanging out with me. After that prayer I got to hangout with friends I haven't seen in awhile, some friends off-island texted me, and more. I didn't even need to chase after them, it was an answered prayer. I'm excited to see what God is going to do. He hears me. My eyes are peeled and my heart is waiting expectantly. I'm looking out for those miraculous, bold, courageous prayers being answered.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmBGbL7LGM1Tg4AjmEEnstuswZl-bx1Xf4TJjDieJhcDTJI3BlFkiQeKUrIJIOd6Ad9Uh0RQtnhq-daQIbQNtbZduz0x8tBCZ3X16ED28FxIoTBKmHbg6pzfC49B47U8OPPo6-v_wgs0Fs-olYoErZdtMhGAeWx2R6H8SC5yoEzkhgFXtBzD0BWjgd/s4032/IMG_6555.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmBGbL7LGM1Tg4AjmEEnstuswZl-bx1Xf4TJjDieJhcDTJI3BlFkiQeKUrIJIOd6Ad9Uh0RQtnhq-daQIbQNtbZduz0x8tBCZ3X16ED28FxIoTBKmHbg6pzfC49B47U8OPPo6-v_wgs0Fs-olYoErZdtMhGAeWx2R6H8SC5yoEzkhgFXtBzD0BWjgd/w640-h480/IMG_6555.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><p></p>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-40958884243974512902022-03-15T23:06:00.012+10:002022-05-22T13:09:42.362+10:00Sparrows and Lilies (Preview)<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;"> I was scrolling through Illumination Publishers looking at new books to buy, and I came across some authors I personally knew. I thought it was cool that they had their own books and it inspired me to revisit my work in progress. Reading through my draft of <i>Sparrows and Lilies</i>, I was pleasantly surprised by what I had written. God is funny because what I wrote was ironically what I was feeling and going through this month. Two weeks ago I was asked to share my testimony for a recorded service with Hawaii. I was excited but also insecure. I never really liked sharing my testimony because I felt like my story wasn't significant, so rereading my own draft about how important our past is felt like God was sending me encouragement. It's also funny because I'm currently reading Lysa Terkeurst's book <i>It's Not Supposed to Be This Way</i>, and in the previous chapter she goes through the same thing. Lysa goes through a traumatic event and days later she had to read through her final draft of a book she was working on. How cool is it to write something expecting to help others, but God uses it again to help you? Anyways, this is a random blogpost but I wanted to post a snippet of the first chapter. I'm still unraveling my past and healing from pains, but so much has already grown from the broken pieces I've handed to God.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span></span></p><a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 13px 0px 0px; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;">Your Past<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></b></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 18px; text-align: center; text-indent: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p4" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.</span></i></p><p class="p5" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center; text-indent: 18px;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Psalm 139:23</span></i></p><p class="p6" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 18px; text-align: left; text-indent: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;"><i></i><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 18px; text-align: left; text-indent: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="p7" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">My heart drops as I wait to present. I try to hide my shaky legs and shallow breathing. My paper looked like a rat chewed the sides due to my constant picking. I was up next to share a personal testimony for women’s midweek. I listen to my sisters in the faith share their struggle with addiction, divorce, and bipolar disorder. <i>Why am I sharing? </i>Even before becoming a disciple I was your typical goody two shoes. Christian private school all her life, no drugs, no boyfriend, nothing crazy. I felt too ordinary to be sharing my testimony. I felt ashamed of my “normal” past. After sharing, I retreated quietly to my seat, hoping that no one would remember a word. <i>My past is nothing special.</i><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p7" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p7" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Again, this same feeling fell over me as I attended a purity conference. Women shared their heart-wrenching and inspiring battles as tears stream down in the audience. Meanwhile my heart was struggling with feeling like an outcast in the faith. Afterwards I chatted with friends and did my quiet time before heading over to our next class. I didn’t realize how much time had passed. It must’ve been God’s plan for me to be late because there was only one class with open seats available. And what the speaker spoke about that day poked deep into the depths of my heart.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p7" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p7" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">One line she said was: <b>Our past has a lot to do with our present pains</b>. That sounds self-explanatory, but for someone like me who continuously minimized their past, I thought I was completely fine. When you allow yourself to disregard your past, you’re hiding unhealed wounds. Even the smallest cut can cause fatal consequences if not treated properly. I kept telling myself that I was okay since I never experienced some sort of life-changing event. But no one is immune to pain and no one has lived a painless past.<b> </b>Emotionally abandoned, trust issues, and more. We are all broken and imperfect people living in a sin-filled world. If we were “okay” Jesus wouldn’t need to come save us. As disciples we should explore our past with the loving Father by our side.</span></p><p class="p7" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p7" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">My mom raised two girls on her own and money was tight. We didn't have <br />health insurance, so if we were sick, we had to wait until we were <i>really sick</i> to go to the hospital. And we do that our pains and even sin. Don’t wait until it gets really bad. You could fix the problem sooner and avoid unchangeable consequences.</span></p><p class="p7" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">This is an invitation to explore your heart. All the pains, all the hurts, and all the ugly. If you’re like me, refrain from saying, “Oh but that incident was so small!” Trust me, some of the "smallest" events are the culprits of our biggest issues today.</span></p><p class="p7" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 18px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p7" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 18px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj1VAInY-hzg80PUXaO6Me8qE2bRkq93DxTnFdkUo5b9VajxIkBsAc4lLAK2vI6w3TR-FS7wmE08yoJFKnLVZrz6POvz3am-t1auLSlzWGDNCp4VEWEIjtekED8DBUotvFBRoyM2t0Q5G4CsWopb9Gg7yHKkOumD_GiYddxFY2l_AqrAy4Z4dD9xz19=s4032" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj1VAInY-hzg80PUXaO6Me8qE2bRkq93DxTnFdkUo5b9VajxIkBsAc4lLAK2vI6w3TR-FS7wmE08yoJFKnLVZrz6POvz3am-t1auLSlzWGDNCp4VEWEIjtekED8DBUotvFBRoyM2t0Q5G4CsWopb9Gg7yHKkOumD_GiYddxFY2l_AqrAy4Z4dD9xz19=w640-h480" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I don't know when I'm going to finish this book, but I'm excited for the day I can reread this blogpost and be like, "I finished it!" It'll mainly be revolving around Matthew 6:25-34. It's pretty cool book I might say. Maybe I'm just saying that because it's a combination of my favorite topics and struggles - identity, value, living life loved by God and...sparrows lol. </div></span><p></p>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-29485229967447739522022-01-29T15:25:00.007+10:002023-10-26T17:25:25.350+10:00When the Past Repeats<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;">June 17, 2021</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I knew that going into the life of following Christ wasn't going to be an easy one. I knew I would still be making mistakes and committing sins. That's why Jesus came and repentance is a thing.<i> But surely past mistakes and circumstances won't appear again, right?</i></span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Being trapped by the past was the number one thing that made me stumble in my faith. It triggered self-sufficiency, guilt, and comparison (and those are only my top three). I could go through a storm of financial struggle, a storm of having to surrender my career, or even a storm of an unclear future and I would know that God is bigger than all that. But for some odd reason when old storms/people or anything remotely similar from the past appears, I cry mayday and steer the other way.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Old storms of ...</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">-friendships</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">-my emotions of jealousy and FOMO</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">-my sister's mental health</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">-people stopping Bible studies</span></div><p></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">When the past repeats it feels as though you're <i>regressing</i>. I started thinking, "As a disciple shouldn't I be dealing with this better with Christ or even, not at all?" I'm paralyzed and my tendency is to hide under the covers until the storm passes (if it ever passes). Hopeless thoughts cross my mind like, </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Aren't you a disciple, why are you making the same mistakes?</i></div></i><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Are you really saved? Surely someone with the Holy Spirit wouldn't be as weak as you.</i></div></i><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Is God really listening to you?</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></i></span><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Surely God is not the one at fault! He is perfect. He is loving.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">My finger has nowhere else to point but to myself. The fault must be me.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Something is wrong...with <i><b>me</b></i>.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The Enemy succeeds in planting this disgusting thought that my past has made me damaged and beyond repair. I start believing that nothing I do will be glorifying to God and that I will always fall short of His grace and perfect plans. I stop praying, sharing, and I isolate. I call myself the "worst of sinners," in a worldly sorrow sorta way.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">But reading <i>Grace Calls</i> by Robin Weidner there's was an image of a spiral shell that stood out to me. The chapter talked about how progress is not a start and finish line, but instead, a spiral. We'll always bump into the same problems but we'll just solve it better the next time. Maybe sometimes we'll spiral back but nothing is wasted in a spiral.</span></div><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span face="minion-pro" style="background-color: white; color: #999999; font-size: medium; letter-spacing: 0.17px; white-space: pre-wrap;">"One of my favorite visualizations was shared with me by a really smart and excellent psychologist. At the time, I felt like I was sliding backwards, and I made some mention of the "one step forward, two steps back" cliche. She told me not to think about it that way. She said that progress is a spiral. You start at the center of the spiral, and slowly trace your path out from there, traveling in long circles as you move out from the center. Half of the time you will be moving backwards, but you are still moving away from center, creating distance between yourself and your start point. Every step you take, even if it feels like you are falling back, is in fact advancing you in the right direction. You will handle setbacks differently and more effectively as time passes, and it helps to understand that even something that feels like a failure is actually advancing you. Those failures give you tools to keep going. It is slow and frustrating, but nothing is wasted in a spiral."
-India Choquette</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">In the moment it might not feel like God is a loving Father since He is allowing the past to repeat. But it's because He is a loving Father that He allows stuff to repeat. I am brought back home in Guam to revisit the wounds that need to be healed, and this time, correctly. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;">January 29, 2022</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I open my laptop to continue writing my "Steadfast Series," but I accidentally click on this old blogpost in the drafts. I reread it and almost let out a chuckle. This morning I prayed with Brittney, thanking God for showing me all the wounds that needed healing. I prayed for Him to continue working in my heart and for it to continue being open to the healing process. A lot of wounds from the past paralyzed me, some wounds I didn't even know existed - hurts from family and friends, my struggle to forgive others and myself, my parent's divorce, my sister, the damage I did to myself from toxic thoughts of guilt-tripping and shaming, the campus ministry and more. I called these wounds "small" or "something no one else understands." But I must normalize these pains remembering that there's strength in my weakness. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I still get that gut wrenching twist in my stomach when I see something from my past look straight at me in the eyes. But that's okay. I look back at it, and then up again to Christ, and I see a future filled with hope. Perhaps the past is repeating<i> </i>but it's also <i>reforming</i> my heart. </span></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjOEg-SpsfnU1DInu7LBRkuOJe6rcrkdyq-eE3y1PEa-HDDSOYzGlUMCVp2WECG_aJyo2IQ8nqpT5vfwvHeuW1Ft1UCB8FuVEiTuZVXDVDMO8_oQdWu5nDul9dDV1aVb0LpV3x0sPdNuiCvO0n0-ekfltMvGvp77mrwo6bMMWN7D9yBYhIUAKpRVVQ8=s2263" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1284" data-original-width="2263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjOEg-SpsfnU1DInu7LBRkuOJe6rcrkdyq-eE3y1PEa-HDDSOYzGlUMCVp2WECG_aJyo2IQ8nqpT5vfwvHeuW1Ft1UCB8FuVEiTuZVXDVDMO8_oQdWu5nDul9dDV1aVb0LpV3x0sPdNuiCvO0n0-ekfltMvGvp77mrwo6bMMWN7D9yBYhIUAKpRVVQ8=s16000" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;">I've been meaning to study Paul, Joseph, Peter, David and more people in the Bible who accepted God's grace and overcame their past. Perhaps that will be my next study.</span><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life." (1 Timothy 1:15-16)</span></div><blockquote><p></p><p></p></blockquote><p><br /></p><p><br /></p></div>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-18191508132154003862022-01-10T20:57:00.015+10:002022-05-30T21:27:44.941+10:00And We, Out of All Creation, Became His Prized Possession<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Dread</b>. That's how I felt the morning of December 31, 2021. I'm in bed wrapped inside a warm blanket cocoon wishing time would move slower. But the sun rays peeking through my blinds remind me that I've been wallowing for too long. 6 a.m., dark and silent. I try to process all my emotions. I try to meditate on scriptures like, <i>let morning bring me word of your unfailing love for I have put my trust in you... your mercies never end, they are new each morning; great is your faithfulness. </i>Some days scripture will help calm my soul right away, but other times it'll be a battle that'll take the whole morning. Today was one of those mornings that took a while to fight the dark cloud. My heart felt heavy, mind foggy, and overall unenthusiastic to start the day. I think it's because tomorrow is the new year and I was reflecting on the sad parts of 2021 and listing all that I need to improve in. I try to remind myself that I need time, healing, and grace. But the Accuser tells me to drown in guilt, sorrow, and shame.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">Eventually I do get out of bed to write my prayer. My pen hovers over my notebook. I didn't know what to pray for, or maybe... I was too scared to pray. I was lacking faith that God would be able to change my circumstance, change me, or care about me. I know He can, but if I truly knew wouldn't I be praying more?<i> Lord, I do believe, but help me with my unbelief.</i> I'm grateful we have a God who stays faithful even when we're faithless. In those moments when I'm in my feels I remind myself, <i>Wow God, You know exactly how I feel.</i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">My thoughts jump around and I remembered about what I learned in James during a group quiet time I had on Wednesday. I hope these revelations the Spirit showed me will be helpful to those reading.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>James 1:2-4</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds <b>because you know</b> that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."</i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">You've probably heard this verse a million times if you've been a disciple for a while. I have to be honest, I'm tired of hearing sermons about having joy in all circumstances. <i>I get it, have joy. Yeah, yeah I know trials are for a reason blah blah continue persevering</i> (lol great sermon lesson btw but I've heard it way too many times during COVID). </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">But when I read it Wednesday morning, three words stuck out to me, "because you know." </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">"Wow," I thought to myself, "Do I actually know that my trials will result in me being mature and complete, not lacking anything?" Sometimes I can go through trials knowing to have joy and knowing that I need to persevere, <u>but do I actually know that through these circumstances the fruits of maturity and being more equipped are the results?</u> I pray to God to be more spiritually mature but my actions show that I want to skip the whole persevering part. So I had to pause and ask myself, "Am I drudging through trials or am I pressing on towards the goal?" and "Do I know the reward I gain when I persevere?" I had to look at my heart and how I'm viewing my circumstance: hopeless or hopeful? </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>James 1:16-17</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Don't be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shirting shadows."</i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">This verse always makes me chuckle and cringe a bit. Back in high school we had AWANA night every Wednesday, which comprised of testimonies, Bible lessons, games, and food. I used to go just because one of my friends went. One night a guy I knew from theatre was going to share his testimony. We all knew he was madly in love with one of his co-stars for the play, so he used, "every good and perfect gift is from above," to describe the girl he was in love with. Testimony? Love confession? Both...? Technically he didn't exactly use the verse out of context? </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span>But anyways, back on topic... it was interesting to me that verse 16 says, "don't be deceived." Deception is not easily spot, it hides and lurks. I wanted to improve in discerning what is from God and what is lies from the Enemy. One way Satan likes to deceive us is by skewing our view of ourselves, others, and God. So I love how verse 17 ties in to remind us: <b>all good things are from God and that God does not change</b>. It was such a good reminder to </span>fight the temptation of deception and no matter what is happening -- God is good. I'm easily prone to forgetting truth and to pray when I'm wallowing. But practicing gratitude is a way to remind ourselves of God's goodness and faithfulness.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>James 1:21</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you."</i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">I hate when something happens and there's a perfect verse that pops into my head like the Holy Spirit reminding me what the right thing to do is. It's a battle, especially when it's verses like <i>don't let the sun go down on your anger </i> or <i>but in humility value others above yourself </i>or <i>be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger</i>.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">So when I saw <b>humbly accept,</b> I was quite convicted. I do accept the word, but it has to poke and jab my heart multiple times until I finally give in. <i>Humbly accept?</i> I am not there yet. I want to get to the point where I memorize scripture and listen to the Spirit organically and humbly in love. <br /><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>James 1:18</b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">"He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created."</span></i></div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">I circled this verse not because it stood out to me, but because it confused me. <i>Firstfruits? Hmm.. I'm a fruit. Yeah, I need to read that in historical and cultural context.</i> But I decided to just read another version and here it is in NLT:<br /><br /><b>"He chose to give brith to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession."</b><br /><br /><i>The ruler and creator of this world - almighty, omnipotent, omniscient says that I am his prized possession. Do I know that I am the Father's prized possession?</i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5qDZq2COBKDJOfDUi7-JbU5mn6eeHbgoV-e6aRHc45EzcajiHQHdXAZ6b0nR057P3gzRDPg18ntrPkMB1lVMuzJq42j_S2ZVuAQoTBfgE9aBD_ADYds2ZkPJnl-bSQcN2fymsFu_Y1RA/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="1284" data-original-width="2282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5qDZq2COBKDJOfDUi7-JbU5mn6eeHbgoV-e6aRHc45EzcajiHQHdXAZ6b0nR057P3gzRDPg18ntrPkMB1lVMuzJq42j_S2ZVuAQoTBfgE9aBD_ADYds2ZkPJnl-bSQcN2fymsFu_Y1RA/s16000/1ECCBD78-9DE4-4350-81A2-B80837B7B360.jpg" /></a></div><br /><br /></span></div>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-49783990910581274312021-12-26T15:55:00.008+10:002021-12-31T10:23:49.013+10:00Steadfast Series Part 1: Rest is Holy <p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I'd like this series to be read</span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span> </span><span>like the Beatitudes </span><span>with each part building on the other</span><span>. The first, paradoxically, is rest. To be steadfast you must first know how to be still. To be effective in work you must learn how to... not work. </span></span></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><u><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Intro</b></span></u></h2><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">No alarm clock at 5 am and no checklist to complete, today was my day of rest. The past weeks were filled with busyness from work, school, and ministry. Finally, a moment to breathe, but it felt <i>weird</i>.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">"I feel like I need to be out of the house," I tell my roommate. But she reassures me to stay home and not plan anything. Resisting the urge to be productive, I watch some Youtube videos, read fun articles, and took a nap. I woke up and posted a picture of my cat captioned, </span><span style="font-size: medium;">"Spent the day being lazy." </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i>No... that's not right. </i><span>I backspace and correct the caption to, "Spent the day </span><b>resting</b><span>." </span></span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span>Although I said <i>resting,</i> I didn't feel rested at all. Instead</span> I felt restless, guilty, and more tired from worrying. I did fun activities and was physically relaxed, but my mind was telling me that this was wrong, and I needed to be "steadfast<i>"</i>. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">We live in a society where rise and grind is the norm. In fact, we praise and idolize people who jam-pack their schedule, have more than one job, work out, repeat. I know I have. My Youtube history is filled with productivity videos titled somewhat like:</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">-How to Start Your Day at 4:30am</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">-5am Morning Routine</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">-Be Productive with Me</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">-Study Grind</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">These videos aren't inherently bad, but it begins to normalize a life that's not truly life, and the <i>purpose</i> of rest and <i>how</i> to rest is skewed. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><i><span style="font-size: large;">"</span><span style="font-size: medium;">Grind culture is all about making your time count. If you are not working, you should be learning something new, adopting a new habit or working out. The “grind” puts emphasis on success—focusing on how many hours you are working or being productive by society’s standards</span><span style="font-size: large;">"</span></i><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">(<i>James</i>).</span></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div><b style="background-color: white; font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i>"Dr. Eve Van Cauter, a sleep researcher and professor of medicine at the University of Chicago, says that many people today, especially in the United States, take pride in not getting much sleep</i>" (Adler).</span></b></div><div><b style="background-color: white; font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></div><div><span><span style="font-size: medium;">Satan is sneaky with his schemes. His lies aren't obvious red flags, but tiny thorns that slowly make their way to infect the whole body.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;"><u>He slips into our minds that rest isn't necessary</u>. </span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Tired and stressed out? Feeling overwhelmed? Can't stay awake unless you have caffeine?</span></div></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>"Well... That's just the grind </i><span face="arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #4d5156;"> </span><span face="arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #4d5156;">¯\_(ツ)_/¯"</span></div></i></span><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">But we need to remember the truth that <b>rest is holy, not a reward for productivity</b>. God calls us to have more than physical rest, He offers true steadfast rest that satisfies and sustains the soul. To summarize this post: we need to remember our purpose, practice surrender, and enjoy life, as well as, focus on God's provision, power, and control.</span></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><b><u><span style="font-size: x-large;">Unlearning the Lies</span></u></b></h2><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><b>Where hustle culture says: “I'm working every hour God sends and this is admirable, evidence of my strong will and worthy of emulation,” toxic productivity is actually saying, “I'm working all the time, and this is too much.” (Greig)</b></i></span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">When we are caught in a cycle of toxic productivity, it's hard to tell that it's even bad since it's so normal in the world. But God calls us to not be swayed into the ways of the world. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><i>Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)</i></b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><h3><span style="font-size: medium;">Some of the Lies:</span></h3><div><ul><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Rest = Laziness<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Rest is earned</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">To be steadfast is to be busy</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Every hour must be spent doing something productive because that's the source of our value and purpose of living<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Burnout is normal because "no pain, no gain"</span></li></ul><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Purpose of Rest:<br /><br /></b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><i>“The heart of our reason for being is to know and love our Maker and enjoy Him forever. Nothing is more important than that, nothing surpasses that core purpose."</i> <i>(Not Forsaken, Louie Giglio)</i></b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Most people might say the purpose of rest is to fuel themselves so they can work more, which is only a snippet of the truth. I'm going to repeat these main points multiple times, so this post might sound repetitive. But I hope you memorize these truths and keep them in your heart.<br /><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">We rest to...</span></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Recenter ourselves to our purpose, which is being in a relationship with God. </span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Enjoy life and remember that our work is not our value.</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">See God working and not us. </span></li></ul></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>How to Rest:</b></span></div></div></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Just like how our quiet times are done differently, we each rest differently too. Each individual experiences God in different ways. Can siblings say they both hang out with their parents <i>exactly</i> the same? Sleep is a universal way of rest, but on our sabbath day, it's really up to us how we spend it. I know one sister would enjoy spending the whole day at her favorite coffee shop, another one would maybe walk on the beach, or you could stay home all day. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">So then it's onto the next question: why do we even work until we're burned out?</span></div><p></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><u><span style="font-size: x-large;">Burnout</span></u></h2><div><b><span style="font-size: medium;"><i>"To be burned out is to be used up, like a battery so depleted that it can’t be recharged. In people, unlike batteries, it is said to produce the defining symptoms of “burnout syndrome”: <u>exhaustion, cynicism, and loss of efficacy</u>"</i><span> </span><span>(<i>Lepore</i>).</span></span></b></div><div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span><div><span><b><div><span style="font-size: medium;">We become...</span></div></b><div><ul><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Ineffective </span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Bitter</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;"><span>Prideful</span><br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Self-sufficient</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Lonely</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Exhausted</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Guilt driven</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Depressed</span></li></ul></div></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="font-style: italic;"><i>"The burnout literature will tell you that this, too—the guilt, the self-scolding—is a feature of burnout" </i>(Lepore). </b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>And the causes could be...</b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Fear </span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Control</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Comparison</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Idolatry (in our career, future, money, etc.)</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Pride </span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Societal standards and expectations</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Working to distract and numb our emotions</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Confusing our mission with our purpose</span></li></ul></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span>One of my favorite quotes from </span><i>Till the Nets are Full</i><span> by Douglas Jacoby says, "...it should be clarified that mission and purpose are different things. Our </span><i>purpose </i><span>is to enjoy our relationship with God and make it to heaven; our </span><i>mission</i><span> is to change the world. (</span><b>When mission and purpose become confused, spiritual burnout is not far away.</b><span>)"</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span><br /></span></span></div><div><h2 style="text-align: left;"><b><h2 style="text-align: left;"><b><u><span style="font-size: x-large;">Dangers of Burnout</span></u></b></h2></b></h2><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The danger of burning out is SELF.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">When we are burned out spiritually we end up running on "self." When a Prius is empty on gas it starts running on its battery, but not for long and at a slow speed. And there's a danger to running a Prius solely on battery. When the battery is dead there's a special way to recharge it; it's pricey and hard to fix. In fact, most people end up buying a new battery instead of trying to fix it. But of course, we are more than just hybrid cars. The main point is we can run on "self" for a short time until our batteries are dead. It's not safe or effective - it's damaging. That's why God created a day for us to be filled. When we're swept by our day-to-day activities we can say, "I don't need to get gas, I can just let it run on battery," but we need to remember that, like a Prius, <i>we weren't created to run like that.</i></span></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;">Questions to ask yourself</span></b></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Am I running on self?</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">What symptoms do I see in myself? What are the causes?</span></li></ul><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><u>Sabbath was Made for Man</u></span></h2></div><div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><b>Then he said to them, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. (Mark 2:27)</b></i></span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">The Sabbath was not meant to burden us. The Pharisees placed their own regulation by not allowing <u>any</u> sort of work to be done. The Sabbath is not a day where we can't do anything but be couch potatoes while memorizing verses. When we turn the Sabbath into a routine, law, or rule, we forget the purpose. </span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span>In fact, all "rules" in the Bible are simply there to protect us and our relationship with God and others. So the Sabbath is made for man, not man for the Sabbath. </span><span>Where one person might go running on their Sabbath, perhaps other view running as work. I still write on my blog on my day of rest because writing draws me closer to God and refreshes my spirit, but not everyone enjoys or views writing like that. I still struggle with feelings of anxiety and fear when I rest, but once again, the Sabbath was made for man...and this transitions to my next point of surrender.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><div><b><span style="font-size: medium;">Questions to ask yourself</span></b></div><ul><li><span style="font-size: medium;">What refreshes your spirit and draws you closer to God?</span></li></ul></div><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><u>Surrender and Rest</u></span></h2><div></div></div><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">For a long time, I believed that steadfastness somehow came out of me. Something in me must conjure up this flame to go out there, spread the gospel, and be an impact; that looked like making plans and being busy. Some days I didn't rest, I thought I had to work for <i>my vision</i> to be a success. </span><span style="font-size: medium;">But steadfastness comes from going to the source; when we rest in the embrace of our Creator.<br /><br /><b>In my thinking that steadfastness came out of me, I took away power from God and placed it all on myself.</b> I find the story in Leviticus a beautiful picture of this...</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><i><span style="font-size: medium;">“If you want to live securely in the land, follow my decrees and obey my regulations. Then the land will yield large crops, and you will eat your fill and live securely in it. <u>But you might ask, ‘What will we eat during the seventh year since we are not allowed to plant or harvest crops that year?</u>’ Be assured that I will send my blessing for you in the sixth year, so the land will produce a crop large enough for three years. When you plant your fields in the eighth year, you will still be eating from the large crop of the sixth year. In fact, you will still be eating from that large crop when the new crop is harvested in the ninth year. </span><span style="font-size: medium;">(Leviticus 25:18-22)</span></i></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">My response is the same as the Israelites,<i><b>"How can anything happen if I'm not working?"</b></i><br />And I just love how God tells them to rest from farming and that <b>He will</b> <b>provide</b>. This can be applied financially, "<i>How can I take a day off from work? I need the money."</i> <br /></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span>Or in school, </span><i>"I have to study. I need to use every hour to prepare.</i><span>" <br />And even in ministry, </span><i>"But it's working for God, why should I rest from scattering seeds?"</i></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">In all situations God is working, He is the one in control and makes the increase. Of course, we need to put in the work (faith without works is dead), but for our day of rest, it's a moment to trust and surrender our work to see His works.</span></p><div><div style="text-align: left;"><u><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Jesus</b></span></u></div><p style="text-align: left;"><b><i><span style="font-size: medium;">"Working from a place of rest rather than for rest." - Woven in Truth Podcast</span></i></b></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I started rereading Mark to refresh my memory for a Bible study and I was in awe of Jesus's heart and attitude. Crowds following him, working early and ending late, and so much more. How was He not annoyed? How did He not collapse in exhaustion? How did He know the healthy boundaries between resting and denying self?</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><b><i><span style="font-size: medium;">Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: “Everyone is looking for you!” (Mark 1:35-37)</span></i></b></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><i>Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” (Mark 6:31)</i></b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><i><b><span style="font-size: medium;">Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” (Mark 4:38)</span></b></i></p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Jesus begins his morning with the Father, making it a priority to be filled. His spirit was rested and refreshed.</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;"><span>Jesus created healthy boundaries to take care of his physical body and needs. He knew when to say, "no" </span><span>and "later" to people's requests not because they weren't important, but because he knew that he needed rest to work efficiently.</span></span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Even during a storm (when life seems to get crazy and out of control) Jesus was able to rest peacefully knowing that the one who controls all things is by his side. </span></li></ul><p></p><div><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><u>Meditate on the Truth: Rest is Holy</u></b></span></div><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">We are centered back on our purpose.</span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">We remember that strength comes from God.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">We remember who has control.</span></div><p></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">We are reminded of His goodness that fills us.</span></div><div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Our tasks become exhilarating rather than exhausting.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">No longer conformed to the pattern of the world - we don't need to be burned out to prove our worth, productivity, or value.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">We can rest with no anxiety or fear because God is the one working on it all.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">When we surrender our agendas we say to God, "I know You provide and You will grow the seeds of faith."</span></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Questions to ask yourself</b></span></p><ul><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">How did I view rest and how do I see it now? </span></li></ul><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><u>Personal reflection on rest:</u></span></p></div><div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I thought resting looked like spending with <i>myself. </i>I watched some shows, maybe bought myself a nice dinner, and just anything that was self-care and made me feel good. Nothing wrong with treating yourself, but even if I have those me times my mind still spiraled and my spirit stayed empty. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Throughout my years as a disciple the word "rest" and "sabbath" have been thrown around with great importance. It never occurred to me that resting was a time to recenter our hearts to God and enjoy existing. Recenter ourselves on Christ made sense to me, but I had to constantly remind myself that our <i>purpose</i> is to enjoy our relationship with God and others. </span><span style="font-size: medium;">Our purpose is not our works, not our career, not even the gifts and talents God has given us.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Daniel Titchener has a Youtube video about why productivity makes you miserable and he says, "this sense of "doing enough" never really comes." And I believe that's so true. No matter how productive we are there's always a new project, goal, plan.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">As someone who is constantly insecure and wants to feel valued by works, it's so crucial to simply enjoy life and remember that we are valuable and loved as we are and not by the works we do. We each are an important part of - work, school, ministry, family but at the end of the day, we are simply loved as ourselves. <i><b>In stillness and doing no work we are deeply loved, valued, and treasured. No amount of work can gain the agape love the Father has for us. </b></i></span></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjSjjWM2VQRjjDIqTy4FGYrKeBw9CORufHcEw5zLuwwMA1Oc-s7qJgTp9MuSQhSFv3Dqca0MwtbD5MEdo76UGs0H6strI3AQaCVQDOALIlSa4jUbMkxunJ_z9yjlLY-ru1nU4ydu-wGHIATJmciVpiJ8Q36-An8wcTT8Z967HEKsE4P6ZTjAGhdNsYc=s2147" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2147" data-original-width="1245" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjSjjWM2VQRjjDIqTy4FGYrKeBw9CORufHcEw5zLuwwMA1Oc-s7qJgTp9MuSQhSFv3Dqca0MwtbD5MEdo76UGs0H6strI3AQaCVQDOALIlSa4jUbMkxunJ_z9yjlLY-ru1nU4ydu-wGHIATJmciVpiJ8Q36-An8wcTT8Z967HEKsE4P6ZTjAGhdNsYc=w373-h640" width="373" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Articles:</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://i-d.vice.com/en_uk/article/7kv8da/toxic-productivity"><span style="font-size: medium;">Toxic Productivity</span></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/05/24/burnout-modern-affliction-or-human-condition"><span style="font-size: medium;">Burnout: Modern Affliction or Human Condition?</span></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.hercampus.com/school/vcu/why-grind-culture-toxic/"><span style="font-size: medium;">Why Grind Culture is Toxic</span></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=18155047"><span style="font-size: medium;">In Today's World, the Well-Rested Lose Respect</span></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://sojo.net/articles/rest-holy-not-reward-productive" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: medium;">Rest is Holy Not a Reward for Productivity</span></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Special shoutout to Jim Brown's sermon <a href="https://nyccoc.net/sermon/shining-in-value/">Shining in Value</a> one of the first instances that made me realize that there was more to rest than what the world was telling me. </span></div><p></p>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-90478873567417441522021-11-30T22:36:00.002+10:002021-12-04T20:10:26.283+10:00Are You Standing?<p></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><u><span style="font-size: medium;">Ephesians 6:13</span></u></h3><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i><span style="font-size: medium;">Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. (NIV)</span></i></div></i><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><i><span style="font-size: medium;">Therefore, put on the complete armor of God, so that you will be able to [successfully] resist and stand your ground in the evil day [of danger], and having done everything [that the crisis demands], to stand firm [in your place, fully prepared, immovable, victorious]. (AMP)</span></i></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">As I read this verse, I stop and pause at the word "stand." I picture a knight with full armor and sword dug into the dirt. He weakly raises his arm and grabs onto his sword for support. His whole body shakes as he tries his best to muster enough strength to stay standing, but his legs give out and he falls back onto his knees. He looks down. Hopeless. Defeated. I pause as I picture myself as this knight. <i>Am I standing? No, I see myself as a knight struggling to get up.</i> Even if we put on the full armor of God, the next step is to stand and fight. And choosing to fight back is a battle in it of itself. Doubt starts to creep in, you're tired from what feels like a never ending battle, and the Enemy seems to have the upper hand.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Perhaps you've been fighting for awhile and was constantly knocked to the ground. You start wondering if there's a point in standing back up again. <i>"Am I strong enough?" "Is this battle worth fighting?" "Will this armor really protect me?" </i>Hopelessness overtakes.</span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><u><b>The Full Armor <i>of God</i></b></u></div></span><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The pieces that we put on are all from God, not ourselves. It's not the full armor <i>of me. </i>It's not the full armor of <i>friends and family</i>. It's not even the full armor of <i>the church.</i> The armor that will sustain and secure us through the battle is from God. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I just wanted to focus on fighting to stand, so I'm not going to go over the pieces. But here's the armor to refresh my own memory.<br /></span></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">belt of truth</span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">breastplate of righteousness</span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">gospel of peace</span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">shield of faith</span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">helmet of salvation</span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">sword of the spirit</span></li></ul><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Putting on the armor might sound like the easy part and then the hard part is going into battle. But actually, the hard part is surrendering our old ways of protection and fighting and to fully trust that the armor of God will protect us (or at least for me it is). But continue fighting to trust and stand firm to the truth. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><b><u><span style="font-size: medium;">Are You Fighting Back?</span></u></b></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">We can deceive ourselves that we are fighting back. Our prayers can have words with no heart, we can read the Bible but not actually process what we're reading, and we can easily smile during fellowship and say, "I'm fine." There's a difference between surviving and thriving. Here are a few.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Surviving:<br /></span></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">going through each day</span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">hoping something will change one day while repeating old ways</span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">bare minimum </span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">self-sufficiency + isolation</span></li></ul><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Thriving:</span></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">repenting </span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">seeing God's goodness through it all</span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">persevering and giving your all (whatever your "all" is at the moment)</span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">asking for help</span></li></ul><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Thriving doesn't mean that it won't feel hard or you won't have sleepless nights. It means that through it all you learn more about God's love, feel His perfect peace, grow in character, trust, and perseverance. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></span><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><b><u><span style="font-size: medium;">Questions to ask yourself</span></u></b></p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Are you putting up a fight to stand firm?</span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Why do you think you're struggling to stand? (For me it's usually self-sufficiency, insecurity, despondency, and pride)</span></li></ul><p></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Verses to meditate on</u></b></div></span><p></p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">1 Peter 5:10</span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">2 Corinthians 10:3-5</span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Psalm 18</span></li><li style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">2 Peter 1:1-11</span></li></ul><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi0heRSAzi5l9flGYtnKrVvFP48i2-ja2ztWLZcPy6CNKknl2qf5bS3l5mNniud9woSyOiEzc5bD-xqgJazq-mfnObgFIqjN6lFjVCnj4Oram9xEqIVl37UCMEa7WQhKej84DitlzV0rnTJBxHk87KckSuWNUiH-PNtvVWfUgS-zlTQBY0zomEwed6f=s1797" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1797" data-original-width="1284" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi0heRSAzi5l9flGYtnKrVvFP48i2-ja2ztWLZcPy6CNKknl2qf5bS3l5mNniud9woSyOiEzc5bD-xqgJazq-mfnObgFIqjN6lFjVCnj4Oram9xEqIVl37UCMEa7WQhKej84DitlzV0rnTJBxHk87KckSuWNUiH-PNtvVWfUgS-zlTQBY0zomEwed6f=w458-h640" width="458" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">This blogpost has been sitting in the drafts for over 4 months. I don't like posting stuff where I'm not putting into practice what I'm writing </span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span>(which is why I haven't posted my "steadfast in rest" post despite having a majority of it written out lollll)</span><span>. I can't remember which podcast said, "head knowledge is theology, heart knowledge is conviction." I can now say with confidence that I am at least fighting to stand. <br /><br />A few weeks ago our service message was titled, "Do You Want to Get Well?" It talked about the man healed in Bethesda in John 5:1-15. What stood out to me was despite being by the pool that heals, the man doesn't try running into it. I mean, he has been sick for 38 years! How hopeless could he be feeling? I envision him sitting at a distance, watching everyone with stony eyes. You can hear distant footsteps splashing. Suddenly a shadow is casted over him, it's Jesus and he asks, "Do you want to get well?" Of course he wants to get well, yet his response to Jesus's question is not yes. His heart aches to say yes. He's tired, discouraged, and hurt. </span><i>Can I even get well? </i><span>Jesus extends His love and healing power. He tells the man to rise. The man stands.</span></span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></p>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-41560409144157324332021-11-24T19:25:00.011+10:002023-10-26T17:27:13.408+10:00Dear Emily<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Before I left New York I stopped by the Target in White Plains. Remember how we used to always share our faith and have Bible Talks at the food court there? Or how you always got parking tickets? (Haha let's not talk about your collection of parking tickets). I picked a cute little card that had a pinky promise picture on the front and drafted numerous letters, both on paper and typed out. But no matter how many times I rewrote it...no matter how many times I reread each sentence more than ten times... it felt wrong. I myself didn't have a problem with what I wrote. In fact, I thought it <i>felt </i>right. But something in me, that wasn't me, was saying not to give you the card. And almost 2 years later I realized that it was the Holy Spirit...the spirit was unhappy with what I wrote. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">At first the card sounded like it was filled with love and seemed like I was trying to be a peacemaker. But really I was just trying to make myself feel better. My card to you was very selfish. I rationalized my faults and pointed out yours, it had lots of expectations for you to change but not really myself, and I ended it with sweet words that I didn't mean or kinda meant (I knew what to say but my heart didn't actually mean it). My card to you was very long because I listed hurts and pains from months before. It was a record of wrongs. And every time I mentioned my faults against you, I sugarcoated and said, "I didn't mean to hurt you" and "I had good intentions." It was essentially a card all about me being, or at least me trying to be "the good one." But truly, Emily, all I needed to write on that card instead of those 5 paragraphs were - </span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i><span style="font-size: medium;">Please forgive me for falling short of loving you with Christ's love.</span></i></div></i><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><i><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></i></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Emily, my dear friend. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">When I didn't confess my envy towards your gifts and talents, I failed to love you.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">When I didn't communicate my loneliness when I felt left out, I failed to love you.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">When I withheld advice that would've helped sharpen you, I failed to love you.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">When I allowed my bitter roots to grow, I failed to love you. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">One night after you dropped me home, I asked if you had any prayer requests you replied, "I'm lonely." Instead of being confused and almost in disbelief (because you were always surrounded by so many people), I should've followed up and encouraged you. You are loved Emily, although it might be hard to believe it I love you even now. Forgive me for the times I fell short. I hope that if we meet again that you'll be patient with me as we both learn to be more like His Son.</span></div><p></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I'm not exactly sure how to reach out to you since you have no social media haha. Maybe someday I'll conjure up enough courage to call your old number if it's still the same. But before then, I hope that you'll find this soon on this blog. Please remember that I still think of you and pray for you.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Love,</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Angelina</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Here are some of my favorite memories of you:</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">-The day I met you at d-hall during a snow storm and I saw your necklace and said, "Do you love Jesus??" And I saw your eyes widen as you replied, "You do too??"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">-How we always got ice cream despite saying we'll eat healthier</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">-You and your Dunkin' Donuts coffee</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">-Late night drives and your terrible sense of direction</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">-How you always talked to every baby or kid we saw</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">-Being traumatized at Purchase together</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">-All the campfires, retreats, fire alarms, and late nights at the Brown's house</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">But I do think one of my favorite memories is going to our first Bible Talk together. It was the last table in the back of Starbucks. Gordon was leading a lesson on the parable of the sower. Teresa was there and also Charis, Kat, and maybe Ferdinand. Thank you for being with me during my first years as a disciple. You taught me about God's boldness, zeal, and intentional time with loving people.</span></div><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiLoE26G6lCdxvRlZqNfCgRyKMFxLI6MPo1_pn6gwCa4PP8yLIIvBg2kpKuQ8TwdqqdYF0A7qExPUyAq3UtTqJkXXrRo0P2VVYz4YCNN8nSkDECaI0B7qUXGcou1jQ8Jr6604wOKn2D0QEFZekKUCZJYRbBk8hyQQ2akr5DdYhKvFkFVhrK0vO9ADgk=s1148" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1148" data-original-width="1070" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiLoE26G6lCdxvRlZqNfCgRyKMFxLI6MPo1_pn6gwCa4PP8yLIIvBg2kpKuQ8TwdqqdYF0A7qExPUyAq3UtTqJkXXrRo0P2VVYz4YCNN8nSkDECaI0B7qUXGcou1jQ8Jr6604wOKn2D0QEFZekKUCZJYRbBk8hyQQ2akr5DdYhKvFkFVhrK0vO9ADgk=s320" width="298" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><i><br /></i></p>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-19296872804962809402021-10-05T23:24:00.010+10:002021-10-23T13:02:12.365+10:00Emptied to be Filled<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">The book of Ruth starts with a famine and ends with a harvest. From empty to full. It resonated with me since I left New York empty: uncertain with theatre in the midst of COVID, brokenhearted from friendships, and weird family dynamics. Everything felt like it was in ruins. I write this as my 3rd spirthday is coming up tomorrow, and I see how God has started my year with a famine and ended with a harvest: new job, new friendships while building old ones, new apartment, new purpose, and a new perspective of God's love and faithfulness.</span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: medium;">But it's not like I needed any of those gains to be full.</span></span></div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;">I wasn't empty because I lost friends, nor was it because I lost opportunities. It's not even because I had to leave the New York ministry and the joy of being in campus. I was empty the moment I failed to find my joy and satisfaction in Christ. I was empty when I failed to trust and surrender. And I was especially empty the moment I forgot how loved I am and how His grace and mercy abounds forever. I wrote a post back in August that I never published titled, "nothing you lose will keep you from staying filled," and that's exactly what it is. Christ alone is enough for me to be full.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">As Kristin Schmucker describes Naomi, <i>"What she failed to see was that she had left full of herself, and God had emptied her so that He could fill her."</i></div><i><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>"Naomi could not see the faithfulness of God because she was consumed by her past. She allowed herself to be defined by her circumstances instead of by her Creator."</i></div></i><div style="text-align: left;"><br />Naomi wanted an outward harvest: a comfortable life where her family didn't have to struggle. That's why she left the land that God had given them. She decided to do things her way by leaving Bethlehem and going to Moab. That seemed like a safer, more secure choice. But she trusted in her choice more than God. I also wanted an outward harvest: strong friendships, doing Bible studies, and working in theatre. And just like Naomi leaving God's promised land, I had also left God's provision and promises to do things on my own. And the choices I made caused a famine in my heart. </div></span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;">And we know how the story goes in Ruth. Naomi loses her family and returns home, but this time with Ruth. Truthfully, Naomi's story should've ended with heartbreak and struggle. Women without a husband could not do anything. And we have Ruth, woman and foreigner. The odds were against them. Naomi returns home bitter and hopeless, but God says, "welcome home." He provides a guardian-redeemer and shows that He remains faithful even when we are faithless. And people that reflected God's character melted Naomi's bitter heart: Ruth's commitment and faithfulness and Boaz's providence and generosity. </div></span><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">I don't know where I'm going with all these Ruth references. I'm only halfway through the devotional book and it's already cutting me to the heart. Like when Nathan told David a parable in 2 Samuel 12:12 to make him realize his sin, sometimes we need to revisit stories to tell ourselves, "<i>you</i> are the man!" I'd never expect to relate to Naomi so much. But it's comforting to know that the God Naomi stayed faithful to is the same God we have today. Redeemer. Provider. Refiner.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">Nothing has really changed: I'm still not doing theatre, the friends I lost I haven't gained back, and I'm still confused about the future. But when my eyes are realigned to Christ I remember that all of this is in His hands, and I see the present blessings clearly. When I lost everything I was trying to find fulfillment in, only then did I realize that true fulfillment and satisfaction was right in front of me...in our guardian-redeemer Jesus Christ.</span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3ZTypo1wGKF6YCaInFx4Pq7E5RzPhvWlXp7T-c06bFjoTl1YZcJIbAeTmMgxkTu6H1ZeyXu7jcvZdz41ZxN3DBidoaNYmV6CDH7IQGYay74ved2bVNqo_CqXMtk7VnPEeeFd3E34KMwo/s2048/IMG_3718+2.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3ZTypo1wGKF6YCaInFx4Pq7E5RzPhvWlXp7T-c06bFjoTl1YZcJIbAeTmMgxkTu6H1ZeyXu7jcvZdz41ZxN3DBidoaNYmV6CDH7IQGYay74ved2bVNqo_CqXMtk7VnPEeeFd3E34KMwo/w400-h400/IMG_3718+2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look at the waves I saw on the morning of my spirthday :) <br />10.03.21</td></tr></tbody></table><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-58941570182992911442021-09-17T01:22:00.005+10:002021-09-17T01:23:36.586+10:00Steadfast Series: Introduction<p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8RyT3Ze72hQV1dc4mssVnYHmwVG7cC09xmkKnJpg3vZ2DSfNi6ywCEu-D-jDfbU-u1FwUal7Rnx7E2MJZE23TcFpSNszd58ltyOuL4pZ8HnmgS8dyrdwSl_t_x6fQBDgckzvSvsdv_Ok/s2048/IMG_3033.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8RyT3Ze72hQV1dc4mssVnYHmwVG7cC09xmkKnJpg3vZ2DSfNi6ywCEu-D-jDfbU-u1FwUal7Rnx7E2MJZE23TcFpSNszd58ltyOuL4pZ8HnmgS8dyrdwSl_t_x6fQBDgckzvSvsdv_Ok/w480-h640/IMG_3033.jpg" width="480" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I have a habit of brewing too much tea; often times having a whole pitcher to myself. As a result, I try to pour as much tea as I can into my cup so that it doesn't turn cold or bitter from being in the pitcher too long. <b>Rather than looking at my cup to see when it's full, I focus on the pitcher to see if all the tea is gone.</b> Without me realizing, tea starts overflowing out of the cup (I'm not making this story up for an analogy...my table has been soaked with earl grey tea numerous times). </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I do the same spiritually.</span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">When I first became a disciple I focused so much on "steadfastness." To me, steadfastness looked like a busy schedule filled with Bible studies, reading the Word for hours, being involved in <i>every</i> church activity, and as a result...being exhausted at the end of the day. And nothing is wrong with that list when maturely planned, but my way of steadfastness led me to burnout and reliant on my own strength. </span></div><i><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div></i><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I had thoughts like:</span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>If my day isn't filled with "spiritual activities," I am not doing enough for the kingdom. </i></div></i><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>If I'm not making a significant difference in people's lives, I fail to be a light.</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>If my Bible study doesn't end up with the person deciding to give their life to Christ, I am a failure as a disciple and lack the wisdom to teach. </i></div></i></span><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">This list of thoughts might sound dramatic, but I truly thought like that in my heart. But notice how all of my thoughts focused on <i>I</i> and <i>myself</i>. I gave all the power and control to me and not to God. God is the one who gives us wisdom, knowledge, opportunities, and guidance (James 1:5 & 1:17). We shouldn't feel inadequate because we have been given all we need to be productive and steadfast in the Kingdom (2 Peter 1:3). We are sufficient because He is (2 Corin. 3:5). He is the one who will make the seeds grow, we plant and water (1 Corin. 3:7). And we can only shine when we spend time with the one who is shining (Exodus 34:29). </span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">When I lived my way of steadfastness it felt confusing: I was always in my Bible, yet I didn't feel refreshed. I was constantly sharing my faith, but I didn't feel the Spirit move. Serving felt redundant and quiet times like a chore. My works were out of obligation and not love. </span></div><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">So God took me out of my destructive pattern and placed me where I could not be my way of steadfast. He placed me back home where there was no campus ministry, no daily Bible studies, less church activities to show me what true steadfastness meant. </span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Here are some of the topics I want to focus on:</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Steadfast in Rest</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Steadfast in the Word</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Steadfast in Fellowship</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Steadfast in Serving</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Steadfast in Fishing</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Steadfast in Gratitude</span></div><p></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Hopefully this series will help you see God's intention of steadfastness. And to brew enough tea, so that you can enjoy life and the plans God has for you one cup at a time.</span></div><p></p><p><br /></p><p></p><div style="text-align: center;"><b><i>"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord."</i></b></div><b><div style="text-align: center;"><b><i>1 Corinthians 15:58</i></b></div></b><p></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-11457763871226699752021-08-05T22:30:00.003+10:002021-08-05T22:55:43.266+10:00 An Hour with God<p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij6MT-NGWxu0c6O-AqkXSWNJCIsaJQtFNhFd0oKRSmYpQtfG1CEQZzDApze7IzRz74xOzLoQ6rEd-HIczNemVxtaHmXZpjhAIERglorSOF4H_8DOur1n5Ql2spXww69vakiWnUQtLLCfI/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1261" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij6MT-NGWxu0c6O-AqkXSWNJCIsaJQtFNhFd0oKRSmYpQtfG1CEQZzDApze7IzRz74xOzLoQ6rEd-HIczNemVxtaHmXZpjhAIERglorSOF4H_8DOur1n5Ql2spXww69vakiWnUQtLLCfI/w504-h640/8DFF55F2-8063-4035-8F7D-B7508F97836B.JPG" width="504" /></a></div></div><br />I slept at 1am.</span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Exhausted.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I tried to wake up at 6am, but that didn't happen. I’m snuggled in my sheets, tempted to stay in bed a little longer, but I tell myself to wake up. I grab my phone and tap on Instagram, "oh wait," I stop myself. "I need to spend time with God first."</span></div></span></span><p></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I prayed, read, and meditated...</span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A chapter of Acts and a devotional on prayer.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I told God about my worries, my fears of the future, and lifted prayer requests to Him.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It didn’t seem much, but an hour with God changed my whole day.<br /><br /></span></div></span><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div style="text-align: left;"><u style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">11am</span></u></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="font-family: inherit; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I wasn’t upset that I got a job rejection. I praised God for making it clearer for me to see what job He wants me to have by lessening my options.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><u>12:30pm<br /></u></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">I thank my mom for the lunch she made, and that it tasted really good. She seemed encouraged.</span></div></span></span><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><u><br /></u></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><u>2:30pm<br /></u></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">At work I talk to my customers enthusiastically, going the extra mile, and actually interested in their lives. I even got phone numbers, one person visiting from Utah and the other from Texas.</span></div></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><u>6pm</u></span></div></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I message random people that I was thinking about, telling them that they’re on my heart and that I’m praying for them.<br /><br /><u>5:00pm</u><br />I see a Facebook post of a sister that accomplished something cool. I'm happy for her but it makes me feel insecure and I start comparing myself. I remind myself to fight the lies that Satan wants me to believe. God sees me and He has something prepared just for me. I'm glad for my sister that is glorifying God with her gifts and talents. I pray that she continues to stay steadfast! <br /><br /><u>7pm</u><br />I'm getting tired and bored at work, but I'm excited and hopeful for the future. What will happen tomorrow? Should I plan a prayer walk with some sisters? "I can't wait to wake up in the morning and have my alone time with God again."<br /><br /><u>9:00pm</u><br />I'm in the car having a conversation with my mom until she starts raising her voice and saying stuff that made me bad about myself. Instead of fighting back with anger, I "somewhat" calmly explained to her that her words hurt me. I know it wasn't her intention, but I also told her it sounded like she was calling me stupid. Surprisingly enough, she apologized. I'm sure if I were to lash out at her I would've been building the fire, but since I calmly told her what was on my heart she listened.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><u>9:40pm</u></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Rather than slumping on my bed and playing games until it's time to sleep, I had the energy and motivation to send Sean's (a kid I tutored) mom an email of all the books I read with him. And afterwards decluttered my desk and wrote this blog post.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It felt weird how naturally I was pouring out love. I didn’t need to deny myself or fight the Spirit. I gave love because I received it in the morning.<br /><br /></span></div></span><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;">I wrote posts, had revelations, realized things in my character that I needed work on.</span></p><p></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;">Just because I spent an hour with God.<br /><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;">Imagine how much more we could do when we continuously stay connected to Him and even start earlier in the morning?<span class="Apple-converted-space"> When our eyes are on Him the first things in the morning, it helps us stay grounded, focused, and protected from distractions and the Enemy's attacks.</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"></p><div style="text-align: center;"><i style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="chapter-2" style="background-color: white;"><span class="text Ps-63-1" style="position: relative;"><span style="font-size: medium;">O God, You are my God;</span></span></span></i></div><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: center;"><i style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text Ps-63-1" style="background-color: white; position: relative;">Early will I seek You;</span></i></div><i><div style="text-align: center;"><i style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text Ps-63-1" style="background-color: white; position: relative;">My soul thirsts for You;</span></i></div><span class="text Ps-63-1" style="background-color: white; position: relative;"><div style="text-align: center;"><i style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit;"><span class="text Ps-63-1" style="position: relative;">My flesh longs for You</span></i></div></span><span class="text Ps-63-1" style="background-color: white; position: relative;"><div style="text-align: center;"><i style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit;"><span class="text Ps-63-1" style="position: relative;">In a dry and thirsty land</span></i></div></span><span class="text Ps-63-1" style="background-color: white; position: relative;"><div style="text-align: center;"><i style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit;"><span class="text Ps-63-1" style="position: relative;">Where there is no water.</span></i></div></span><span class="text Ps-63-2" id="en-NKJV-14842" style="background-color: white; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="display: inline; font-weight: 700; left: -4.4em; line-height: normal; position: absolute; text-align: center; top: auto; vertical-align: text-top;">2 </span><div style="text-align: center;"><i style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit;"><span class="text Ps-63-2" id="en-NKJV-14842" style="position: relative;">So I have looked for You in the sanctuary,</span></i></div></span><span class="text Ps-63-2" style="background-color: white; position: relative;"><div style="text-align: center;"><i style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit;"><span class="text Ps-63-2" style="position: relative;">To see Your power and Your glory.</span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit;"><span class="text Ps-63-2" style="position: relative;">Psalm 63:1-2 NKJV</span></i></div></span></i></span><p></p>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-18673088760988641182021-05-26T16:15:00.009+10:002022-05-30T21:02:49.852+10:00The fool says in their heart, “There is no God.” (SuMart Edition)<p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I think myself to be a fairly patient and loving person, or so I thought I was. Working a retail job full-time was a slap to my pride. I remember this analogy from high school chapel that a tea bag represents our character and the hot water is our circumstances. Only when the tea bag is put into hot water does our true character/color show. And this job was showing all colors of my anger, impatience, and lack of love: When customers complained and asked senseless questions. When parents didn't care about their screaming children running around the store. When guys tried flirting to get discounts. And long hours each day repeating all of this... My character was tested, I absolutely hated working here. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">In the beginning I loved talking to the customers. It was fun getting to know them, asking them how their day was, and seeing the stuff they buy, but I allowed my flesh to take over. When I started focusing on all the negatives, I turned bitter and judgmental.</span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>There they go again spending their money on alcohol and cigarettes.</i></div></i><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Do these guys have nothing better to do than to flirt?</i></div></i><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Why are they wasting their food stamps on all this junk?</i></div></i><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>People walk in here like they own the store, where are their manners?</i></div></i><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Some of my thoughts were true concerns, but it also wasn't an excuse for me to stop loving, understanding, and showing them Christ. I became so wrapped around pride and selfishness that I didn't want to talk to anyone. I spent most of my shift glued to my phone and itching to get off of work. </div></span><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;">In my heart I said, "These people aren't worth my time."<br /><br /></span></b></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Serving Others Selflessly </span></h2></div><i style="font-weight: 400;"><div style="text-align: left;"><i><span style="font-size: medium;">Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Philippians 2:3</span></i></div></i></h3><div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I gladly served my family and others in the beginning. It was tough working full-time, but I found joy in it - until the Enemy started whispering:</span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Why are you even working so hard? For your sister? What has she ever done for you? </i></div></i><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>You don't need to work, you're being too nice. </i></div></i><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>You're wasting time.</i></div></i><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>You could be back in New York right now.</i></div></i></span><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">"You're right," I replied. I deserved more, right? I <i>deserved</i> to be discontent, angry, and bitter. Why was I working? Why was I living alone? It was all for others, but what have they done for me? I was angry at my mom, my sister, and even with sisters in the church. I was angry at everyone for not helping me. <i>Because it's all about me and how I was feeling.</i></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;">In my heart I said, "I don't want to serve, I want people to serve me."</span></b></p><p style="text-align: left;"><u><span style="font-size: medium;">Looking at Jesus</span></u></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Jesus had a full time job that wasn't glamourous. From the dawn to night He dedicated His time to preach and heal. He barely had a break, people were always bombarding Him. Did they pay Him? Did they thank Him? Did they love Him? Probably only a small amount, an incredibly small amount. If I were Jesus I would say, "Screw this, why am I wasting all this time for people that don't even care or appreciate me?" But Jesus and His amazing love continued to serve. He didn't care if people just left after being healed. All that was on His heart was "by this they will know the Father's love and they will come closer to Him." </span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><i><span style="font-size: medium;">the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. </span></i></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Matthew 20:28 </i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Jesus washed His disciples' feet. Even though He was the Son of God, He humbled Himself and He lived as a servant on Earth. If there's anyone on Earth that <i>deserved</i> to be angry and discontent, it was Jesus. He had absolutely no reason to give His life to us, but He wanted to. Lord, teach me to love like You. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">(BTW this doesn't mean that we should serve until we're exhausted, but the issue was with my heart and how I responded. Instead of admitting and asking for help, I blamed others for the position I was in. Having a humble heart and telling people I was feeling lonely and overwhelmed would've helped a lot. Even Moses was told to share his load. The Bible tells us to share our burdens! I was prideful thinking that I could manage all my emotions on my own. ) </div></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></span><p></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Nineveh and Egypt </span></h2><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I was close to buying a ticket back to New York multiple times. And maybe that's what Satan wanted me to do. Maybe Satan's battle plan was to make me feel so discontent, bitter, and feeling entitled to "something better" so I could leave. He wanted me to give up on being back home where my parents, friends, and old classmates are. But I'm glad that the Holy Spirit has made it clear to me that I need to stay on Guam a little longer.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I pondered on that thought for a moment and a familiar story came to mind. "Wait, I'm doing exactly what Jonah did with Nineveh." </span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;">In my heart I said, "No God, I don't want to reach out to the people here." </span></b></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Jonah and I have different reasons for not reaching out, but one thing is similar - selfishness. I remember when I first read the story of Jonah I thought, "Crazy! What is this man doing? How could he not want to reach out to the people of Nineveh? God is calling him there to save souls!" But that's exactly what I was doing. Instead of "Here I am, send me!" I was saying, "Here I am! But send me anywhere but back home." God intentionally puts us in the places we are. He desires everyone I know at home to know Him. <i>The love that moved me will surely move them.</i></div></span><p></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">After having a humbled heart there's another obstacle - insecurity. "Can You really use me here? Who am I to reach out to the people?" And doesn't this sound like another person?</span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else." Exodus 4:13</i></div></i><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><b><div style="text-align: left;"><b>In my heart I said, "God can't use someone like me."</b></div></b><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I'm tempted to think that I need to be strong, steadfast, unmovable, and emotionally stable to be effective and efficient. But that's not true at all. As I move into my third year of being a disciple, I've come to understand the truth that God doesn't want anything but us. He wants us broken, bruised, battered vessels to show His glory. It doesn't matter how old we are, what job or reputation we have. God uses us as we are. Paul says in Philippians 3 that all his gains are considered a loss for Christ. It doesn't matter who we are in the world, but who we become in Christ.</div></span><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I'm tempted to hide my tears and struggles from my friends. "Shouldn't a disciple look happy and bright all the time?" But picture this, it would be easy for someone to glorify and trust God when their life is going good. But it would be astonishing to see someone trust God in the storm. Through our weaknesses, tears, and struggles, God is using us powerfully to shine brightly. When Paul and the others were in prison, that inspired all that knew about them to follow Christ. Even if it feels like we aren't at our "best," God's strength shines through it all.<br /><br /></span></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Time is Never Wasted with God</span></h2><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;">After a month of working full-time it felt like I wasted so much time. In a worldly point of view, maybe I did. Why spend so much time working at a mom and pops store when you don't need to? But God was revealing to me that my time is always fruitful when I abide in Him.</div></span><p></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Was it a waste of time talking to Jake about church?</span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;">Was it a waste of time talking to regulars each day, even adding one on Instagram?</div><div style="text-align: left;">Was it a waste of time reconnecting with old classmates when they visited you?</div><div style="text-align: left;">Was it a waste of time getting closer to Dana?</div><div style="text-align: left;">What about that one guy who asked questions about Christianity?</div></span><p></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">And there's so much more. It's all been blessings working here. A kind boss, interesting coworkers, and weird customers. No matter where I am, I am fruitful. God doesn't need me in New York, nor does He need me to have an "important" job. It's beyond my human understanding, but God can use a random cashier at SuMart to spread and water seeds. I need to trust Him more. Our God has no limits to how He can use us. </span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">But during those days of discontent <b>in my heart I said, "God can't use me here. I could be doing something else with this time." </b></div></span><p></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I asked for less hours because it was getting in the way of studying the Bible and going to Bible Talk. But I don't regret the weeks I worked full time. I think I needed that reminder of how ugly my heart can be and truly practice love.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><p></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Joy in All Circumstances</span></h2><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i>Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.</i> 2 Corinthians 6:10</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Instead of being joyful in my circumstances, I tried to change my circumstances to be joyful. "If I moved back home, if I quit this job, if I was back in New York - then I will be joyful."</span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></span></div><div><div style="text-align: left;"><b style="font-size: large;">In my heart I said, "I can only be joyful if I change my circumstances."</b><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Those things will surely add to my joy, but as disciples, joy is obtainable in all circumstances. I should know better that circumstances won't change much. In high school all my prayers were answered. I lived with my family in a nice house, my mom was able to be self-employed, my grades were good, and my parents spoiled me to make up for the years that they couldn't. There was even a week where my mom and I spontaneously flew to Hong Kong just because I was bored during spring break (how spoiled haha). But I was unhappy. Money, popularity, and other people will never satisfy us. True happiness is not obtainable on Earth because we are imperfect people living in a sin filled world. That's when I started reading the Bible and discovered true love, peace, joy, and an everlasting Kingdom. We are able to have joy because we have Christ. Joy is obtainable in all circumstances. </div></span></div><div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;">I have joy in SuMart. I can play my own music, I can go on my phone, I can snack behind the counter, and I have lovely people around me. I appreciate my boss who looks after me, the customers that ask how I'm doing, and my friends who visit from time to time. And I have a loving God who provides and takes care of me. I have more than enough reason to be joyful.<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Agape Love: A Changed Heart</span></h2><h3 style="text-align: left;"><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: 400;">I realized my love for the customers at SuMart wasn't agape love, it was transactional. I loved when I thought they deserved<i> </i>love. I loved when they loved me back. I loved based on circumstances. And that is not the love God calls us to have. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: 400;">I was annoyed with this one regular. He was worldly and a flirt. I was baffled at his audacity when he asked for discounts. There was a time he asked me to cover 6 dollars of beer for him. I wasn't angry but instead I felt love and compassion. Cigarettes, alcohol, and flirting. How empty is this guy feeling to be constantly filling himself with meaningless, temporary pleasures? How is it so easy for him to be saying all these things? How long has he been doing this? <i>Lost, lonely, longing for something more.</i> Instead of an annoying guy flirting for discounts I saw a lost soul needing Christ. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: 400;">God continues to refine my heart. I still want to go back to New York, that longing won't go away anytime soon, but I'm joyful being back home. It's a fight to be joyful in all the circumstances, but I see God's hand in it all. </span></p></h3><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><h2><span style="font-size: x-large;">The Fool Says in Their Heart</span></h2><div><div><i><span style="font-size: medium;">The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.” Psalm 14:1</span></i></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Notice how this verse says "the fool." Not an unbeliever, not an atheist, but "the fool." Saved Christians can be the fool. Even though I was in my Bible and praying to God daily, my heart and actions were those of a fool that said, "there is no God." I was judgmental, prideful, and selfish. I was insecure, ashamed, and anxious. I lived life like God wasn't there. But as I remember the grace and mercy that was extended to me. As I look to Jesus, the perfect example of a servant on Earth. When I kept God's words close to my heart. I was filled with love and ran back to Him with a softened, humble spirit. Like the prodigal son, I remembered my everlasting home and the inexhaustible, irreplaceable love the Father gives. Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtAD6O6k_zhQtBs6GMhh1H89MbyjAMDcKq3bw0K9HluQiyBweipX7sFCwXtx-cF0_NCxxswwtAO6QZC1Kl6v6-Qaavt7HQIlHfN-TpxlgtxcYNrJcmsevp8anGaM2Sd4feAIQNdYsBOFA/s2048/Reflections_of_Adoani_gunbeach2333.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtAD6O6k_zhQtBs6GMhh1H89MbyjAMDcKq3bw0K9HluQiyBweipX7sFCwXtx-cF0_NCxxswwtAO6QZC1Kl6v6-Qaavt7HQIlHfN-TpxlgtxcYNrJcmsevp8anGaM2Sd4feAIQNdYsBOFA/w640-h426/Reflections_of_Adoani_gunbeach2333.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div></div><p></p></div>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-44763001338738209562021-03-10T18:30:00.006+10:002021-03-10T18:35:28.232+10:00True Comfort Part 1: Jesus Our Immediate Comfort<p> <span> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn1xBpmuepOIFuTI9wWmcUue12QBqaQYLYRWW3wLJ6_-V-8kN6GpIA475KHNuztzd7XAI1hRY1zC-MPdrE-bwfalhuwfdXBIP9CYzfs9KdTslbaW5ebuUs-OU7VikeHb3J-5JujVGbhRU/s2020/27745106_2047908758820180_1444472792_o.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1515" data-original-width="2020" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn1xBpmuepOIFuTI9wWmcUue12QBqaQYLYRWW3wLJ6_-V-8kN6GpIA475KHNuztzd7XAI1hRY1zC-MPdrE-bwfalhuwfdXBIP9CYzfs9KdTslbaW5ebuUs-OU7VikeHb3J-5JujVGbhRU/w640-h480/27745106_2047908758820180_1444472792_o.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div> <span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Binge watching videos, indulging in our favorite snacks, taking a nap, venting to someone are all things we turn to for comfort in stressful situations. Don't get me wrong, all of the above are normal things to do. It's healthy to give yourself a break, but it could turn into something more when it becomes our <i>source</i> of comfort and joy. It's even more dangerous when unhealthy habits like alcohol, drugs, and pornography become our immediate comfort. An overindulgence anything could turn into an addiction and will never satisfy us no matter how much we fill ourselves.</div></span><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> <span> </span>I love going on Instagram. Social media is a great asset to document memories, but even something simple as scrolling through Instagram could become a bad habit. Recently I've been excessively checking my feed, refreshing my stories to check who is watching them, and obsessing over my follower number. It becomes my source of joy, keeps my thoughts distracted for a moment, and temporarily keeps my anxiety bottled up. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><h4 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">When you're feeling overwhelmed and stressed, what do you do? When you go through heartbreak, who or what are you turning to? What is your <i>immediate comfort</i>? </span></h4><p></p><a name='more'></a><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">We all know the go-to verses:</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i>"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)</i></span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i>"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Philippians 4:6)</i></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">and many more...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">We know the verses, we know we should run to God in all situations, but then why isn't Jesus our immediate comfort?<br /><br /></div><span><!--more--></span></span><p></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">Here are some heart issues that I've found in myself:</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><p></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><u>God isn't meeting your expectations </u></h3><span style="font-size: medium;">Here are some people in the Bible who didn't have their expectations met by God:<br /></span><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Sarah laughed when God said she'd be pregnant at an old age...Their resolution was to have a baby with Hagar!</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">God told Naaman to wash in the Jordan River to be healed from his leprosy... He responded in anger, storming off and probably thinking, "why would God tell me to bathe in dirty water?" </span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">The Israelites grew impatient as Moses went up to Mount Sinai to get the Ten Commandments. So what did they do? They melted all their gold and created made a golden calf to worship.</span></li></ul><span style="font-size: medium;">They probably had thoughts like this:<br />"Why would God make me wait?"<br />"But I need to do something now!"<br />"This doesn't make sense! Does God even care about me anymore?" <br /></span><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I read these stories and almost scoff at their lack of faith, but that's because I know the outcome of God's plan. When we are the ones going through a storm or wandering through the wilderness, it's easy to want to do our own thing, angrily distance yourself from God, and grow impatient. </span></div><div><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">We need to rewire our minds to what true comfort is.<br /><b>True comfort isn't about feeling but knowing. </b>It's not hugs & kisses, feeling good, removing yourself from reality, or numbing emotions. True comfort is knowing God is good and loves us beyond all measures. It's knowing that He has great plans for us no matter how bleak the future might seem. True comfort is placing our hope on Christ.</span><br /><u><br /></u><div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><u>Expecting God to remove the discomfort or solve it our way</u></h3><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>God won't remove our symptoms of pain but He will walk us through it.</b><br /><i>-When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. (Isaiah 43:2)</i></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><i>-</i><i>And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)</i></span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />Have joy knowing that our future is filled with hope. He has already won our battles for us. We'll come out of our storms stronger and more mature in our faith. This world and all the storms in it are not forever, but God and His kingdom are.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>We expect God to solve the problem the way we want it to be solved.<br /></b>-<i>There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens, (Ecclesiastes 3:1)</i><br /><i>-A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps. (Proverbs 16:9)</i><br /><br />Why does God allow some pains to happen? I have no idea, but that's because I'm not God. This is when we have to have faith and trust in God's character. He has given us everything, even sending His own son to die for us. How much more can we ask for? Continue trusting in our all loving and powerful Creator.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /><b>Consider it Pure Joy (James 1:2-4)</b><br /><i>Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. </i></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Continue persevering in faith! Through the storms God is working...<br /></span><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Refining our faith and character</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Seeing God's strength through our weaknesses</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Practicing total surrender and hope in Christ</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Walking testimony and light to those around you</span></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;">Reminder that this world is not our home, but Heaven is</span></li></ul></div><div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><u>Doubting God's character + failing to apply scripture to our heart</u></h3><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Hopelessness, self-sufficiency, anxiety, and fear. These are symptoms of forgetting or doubting God's character. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">"Do you really care or love me?"<br />"Am I actually saved?"<br />"I don't see God working in my life."<br /><br />I started feeling silly giving others verses and saying "Don't worry, God's got this!" when I myself was also an anxious mess. And that was the problem, I <i>knew</i><i> </i>the verses but I didn't actually <i>understand</i>. We need to take all those verses we know in our head and apply it in our heart.<br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /><b>Living out Psalm 46:10</b></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;">He says, “Be still, and know that I am God</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">-"<i>Normally we don't connect our responses to knowing but rather to feeling. We are most often motivated in a crisis by our emotions - that wave of anxiety or surge of self-pity. Our emotions often form and drive our response</i>" (Stowell 147).</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I love the image Stowell gives, he says that life could sometimes feel like a box of puzzles with all the pieces scattered on the table. With just the puzzle pieces alone, it could feel daunting, overwhelming, confusing but luckily there is a box top showing the whole picture. God is that "box top" of our life. <u>"When we know Him, we have the assurance that there is order and meaning under the chaos, and that all things will work out for His glory and our good in the end."</u></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">(Quotes from <i>Far from Home: The Soul's Intimacy with God </i>by Joseph M. Stowell. Highly recommend reading it).</span><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Brief summary:</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">--> True comfort isn't about feeling but knowing</span><br /><div><span style="font-size: medium;">--> We have comfort in His promises, His word, who He says He is<br />--> Do you <i>know</i> scripture or <i>understand</i> scripture?<br />--> And again, nothing wrong with watching shows and eating ice cream, but when it spirals and becomes our source of comfort and joy, that's when there's a problem.</span></div></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I hope and pray that all of you will know true comfort, and that in every storm you go through, you will immediately run to our loving Father whose arms are always wide open. </span></div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;"> </h3><p></p><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div></div></div>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-70122162770208380362021-02-24T02:57:00.050+10:002021-04-14T22:09:50.369+10:00Even When I Am on My Knees in Tears, I Will Consider It Pure Joy<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet;">I'm speechless as I read her message. I quickly get up from the dining table and retreat to an empty room. In the dark I cover my face and cry. <br /></span><span style="font-family: trebuchet;">Speechless as I listen to Teresa over the phone saying, "she left." Suddenly the loud, bustling streets of K-Town freezes in silence as I try to process the news. <br /></span><span style="font-family: trebuchet;">Speechless as I stare at his text saying, "You don't care, you don't actually love me." My chest tightens. I squeeze my phone. <br /></span><span style="font-family: trebuchet;">Speechless. Absolutely speechless as I hear her say, "You wouldn't care if I killed myself." Tears stream down. How do I reply to words like that?</span></span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet;"><span style="font-size: large;">I try to convey my heart, my emotions, my thoughts. I write letter after letter. I draft my messages and rehearse my phone calls. But I don't press send, I don't press call. I never deliver the letters. I don't say what I want to. Silence eventually becomes my reply. I'm speechless.</span></span></div><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: left;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Why try? </i>The Accuser whispers in my ear. <i>Give up. It's all your fault. If you just did more, and was more, this wouldn't have happened. Their life is better with you not in it.</i></div></span><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: large;">And I believe the lie. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: large;">I feel worthless, like a failure, and a waste of space. <br />I'm overcome by guilt and grief.<br /><i>"If only I did something earlier. If only I showed my love better. If only I did more for them. Maybe this wouldn't have happened."</i></span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet;"><span style="font-size: large;">Shouldn't it be easy to love those I love? Shouldn't that be so simple? How do I get myself into these situations?</span></span></div><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><b><div style="text-align: left;"><b>But </b><i>agape love</i><b> is never easy. It's far from being easy.</b></div></b><div style="text-align: left;">It's selfless, sacrificial, unconditional. It persists no matter the circumstance.<br />It doesn't keep a record of wrongs, it forgives, it never gives up.<br />And as Cory Asbury's famous song puts it, it's "reckless love." Not that it's actually reckless, but from a worldly perspective it seems like it. Why continue loving those who hurt you? Why continue loving those who left you? Why continue loving those who hate you? </div></span><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: large;">It's in those moments of hurt and pain where you can show true agape love. </span></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: large;"><i>If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. </i><i>(Luke 6:32)</i></span></h3><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: large;">It always goes back to the question, <i style="font-weight: bold;">"Can you love imperfect people?" </i>Christ did. He even died for all sinners fully aware that some will never love Him back. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: large;">Even if people give up on me, the lover of my soul continues to sing over me. He tells me that I am worthy in His eyes. He tells me that I am valuable. If the Creator of all things says that, shouldn't I believe Him? He gave His only Son so I could be with Him, how much more can I ask? He has poured all His love onto me. He tells me that I'm not a villain, no one is. Satan and sin are the villains. When we stay in darkness and sin, only then are we siding with the Villain. We are imperfect human beings that will hurt others and be hurt. He tells me to have grace on myself, to have grace on my imperfect self. <br /><br />Run to Him oh my soul, rest in His embrace. Prince of peace, Refiner, Rock, Protector, and the one who has shown me the ultimate form of agape love... Lord You are good, and I consider it all pure joy. Even when I am on my knees in tears, I will consider it pure joy. You never give me anything I can't handle. And when my strength fails, I can always lean on you. </span></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><i><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: large;">Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.</span></i></div><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: large;">(James 1:2-4)</span></i></div></i></h3><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet;"><span style="font-size: large;">Through this you are refining me. Help me to lay down my pride and admit my mistakes. Help me to ask for forgiveness but to also forgive myself. Help me to persevere and to leave guilt and shame behind. Remind me that each day is a new one in Your grace and mercy. Walk me through my emotions and expose any hidden sins in my heart. </span></span></div><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">To be honest I'm still anxious. I'm anxious to send those letters, press send, and press call. I'm anxious of the outcome and their response. I'm anxious to pour my heart and not get the outcome I want. It's a process, but I surrender it all to You. No matter what happens, it is good. My life is in Your hands and You are with those who are in my heart too. </div></span><p></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4HGV1yq256DtZ2PjiZF5AlvUO4pdIsCAr4DLFq3qeeBdFU7KrPB6yPnby9w1nequepUcs2JXjt6l2XsugvJbE3E4tfwTeWOQeep9dJLtHiKOJVt9NCmCzRP0l5-1itvARIFYuhoLzOoA/s2048/IMG_8015.heic" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4HGV1yq256DtZ2PjiZF5AlvUO4pdIsCAr4DLFq3qeeBdFU7KrPB6yPnby9w1nequepUcs2JXjt6l2XsugvJbE3E4tfwTeWOQeep9dJLtHiKOJVt9NCmCzRP0l5-1itvARIFYuhoLzOoA/w640-h480/IMG_8015.heic" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet;"> </span><span style="font-family: trebuchet;"> </span><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">This blog post might seem very vague to some people. It's a prayer, it's my heart, my emotions. It's a mess but at least God knows what I'm talking about (haha). Maybe some of you might know one or two people I mentioned in the beginning. <br />An area God is refining me in is my relationships. I'm a people pleaser, conflict avoider, and I suck at communication. When I build friendships there's always a wall when they get too close. It's a mixture of fear and and a bunch of other stuff that God continues to reveal and refine in me. The Devil uses it as a foothold</span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet;"> (</span><span style="font-family: trebuchet;">Eph 4:27)</span><span style="font-family: trebuchet;">, spreading all sorts of bitter roots, doubts, fears, and assumptions. Sometimes I'm tempted to just cut myself out from everyone's life because I feel like a nuisance. Why be friends with someone you can never really get close to? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"> My prayer for myself is to love with no hesitation, to love like Jesus. There will always be a risk of being misunderstood, abandoned, and hurt because we're all imperfect. Jesus fought to love us with agape love. He went to the Garden of Gethsemane pleading and wrestling in prayer. It must've been painful to be betrayed, ridiculed, misunderstood, and crucified. But He didn't run away, he didn't respond in silence because He loved us so much. He loved with no expectation of us loving Him back. Lord, let me love like You.</span></p>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-51726025608044404342021-02-06T01:31:00.063+10:002021-03-05T08:25:35.407+10:00You Meant it For Good<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> Dear Lord,</span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><span> </span>I had an argument with my mom this morning before work. Tears came streaming down the more I tried holding it in. Luckily I was wearing a dri fit shirt so the tear stains dried quickly haha. I feel lonely, overwhelmed, and just sad. I've been having a hard time sleeping. Every morning begins with a rush of anxiety for the day to begin, but I breathe in and remember Your love.</span></div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">"<i>Let morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life." Psalms 143:8</i></div></span><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><span><span> </span>Lord, why is my sister going through this battle with her mental health? Why is my aunt not getting better either? Why do I feel so lonely? What is happening with my relationships? What am I supposed to do?</span><span><br /></span></span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><span><span> </span>It hurts seeing my family like this. It hurts feeling so useless.</span><span> </span><span>I start feeling lonely and forgotten when my mom is prioritizing my sister. </span><span>I get impatient wondering what my purpose and role is. </span><span>I get sad seeing how I haven't had the time and energy to keep up with some friends. Unanswered questions fill my head. I desire to know Your bigger picture, Your perfect plan. I question You. I feel lost. </span></span></div><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><span> My loving Father, my Friend, my Comforter... You listen to all my thoughts and know my heart's desires. You tell me to rest in Your embrace. You tell me not to worry because everything is in Your hands. </span><br /></span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> I remember the story of Joseph. He could've easily questioned Your love when his brothers sold him to slavery, when he was framed by Potiphar's wife, and when he was in prison for years. He probably felt all sorts of emotions but stayed faithful and trusted You. And You were able to use Joseph powerfully for Your plans. He was able to proudly say,</span></div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><span><div style="text-align: left;"><i>"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20</i></div></span></span><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Satan always intends to harm us, and we can be quick to question Your goodness and why You allow some pains to happen. <b>But You intended it for good, to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.</b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Perhaps through this hard time my family will turn their hearts towards You. Perhaps this is a refining season. Perhaps I will use this experience in the future to help others. And perhaps it's all of the above. You are working. I don't know why You allow some things to happen and I don't know Your plans, but it's quite encouraging knowing that everything happens for a reason. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><span> Lord, keep me strong and steadfast. Let me not lean on myself but on You and all my wonderful brothers and sisters You've placed in my life. Let me not grow weary in doing good because in due season I will be able to look at all that has happened and say, "You meant it for good."</span><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQat16D1kqYPTZH8waHL9SZaa8DRlmWPoYSqLBPJgbAjPgsa0BJOqUZxjiH9aos4aJ9P_SIZJUdHw5UAuCmrjOyIUeEI0LM7SaIY-wnv83RSQ2rVZH6BC5mjbk-9TKck4sdf_0qc2OBPQ/w640-h360/35D8E144-8679-41A4-9360-2BE33B57DE84.jpg" width="640" /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Love,<br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Angelina</span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></span><span><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></span><p></p>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-64737173564231914932021-01-29T02:26:00.022+10:002021-02-24T18:45:26.117+10:00Poisonous Roots of Bitterness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><i> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiABq5z3qzWN6ceGc97CaZHDFQ-6aHkycONGWeEExlKSFyBQHlGyiAZs27wZJdJpTbzSVrV-ivXOZUyfdLrT_E6_grg98e0F0BtK9MgRluf6iv6AvvivbzWcQhth2N6kCuR7DBAAfIIzo0/s2048/Snapseed.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiABq5z3qzWN6ceGc97CaZHDFQ-6aHkycONGWeEExlKSFyBQHlGyiAZs27wZJdJpTbzSVrV-ivXOZUyfdLrT_E6_grg98e0F0BtK9MgRluf6iv6AvvivbzWcQhth2N6kCuR7DBAAfIIzo0/w640-h426/Snapseed.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy." John 10:10</i></div></i></span></div><div data-en-clipboard="true" data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: trebuchet;"><br /></span></i></div><div><i><span style="font-family: trebuchet;"><span data-markholder="true"></span></span></i></div><div><span style="font-family: trebuchet;"> </span><span style="font-family: verdana;"> <span style="font-size: medium;">Take the time to think in the thief's shoes. What areas are vulnerable to attacks right now? One of the biggest areas the Devil has been attacking me in is my relationships - friends, family, new relationships. With feeling isolated during covid and having a hard time keeping in contact with friends, it's very easy for the Enemy to step in and try to stir trouble. He wants to steal, kill, destroy all sense of companionship and intimacy so that I will feel lonely and grow a hardened, bitter heart towards people. Bitterness, envy, jealously, pride are my main culprits that steal, kill, and destroy a relationship. But out of four, bitterness is the sneakiest and most subtle way the Devil attacks. It starts small and before you know it it's everywhere, and that's why I wanted to write about the poisonous roots of bitterness.<span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnRKYQl1igmLQR8xH1hvk4b0_NcZKi4qqIgMvOWRkmcqTMhFqwWIR3FaGW_XtmRHlCZiRerGabZ-eh3yim4j7IFrbMruGnLfcRsXu_MhoZJjpa644XfF0dbFGmRXbrN7Td8EV3vE8FeAc/s1268/image-20150917-7545-daaf8x.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1268" data-original-width="1000" height="350" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnRKYQl1igmLQR8xH1hvk4b0_NcZKi4qqIgMvOWRkmcqTMhFqwWIR3FaGW_XtmRHlCZiRerGabZ-eh3yim4j7IFrbMruGnLfcRsXu_MhoZJjpa644XfF0dbFGmRXbrN7Td8EV3vE8FeAc/w276-h350/image-20150917-7545-daaf8x.jpg" width="276" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> <span> </span>Bitterness is cancerous and infects everyone around you, but it does the most damage to your own heart. It robs you of your peace and joy and cripples your ability to be giving and loving. If you ever read <i>The Little Prince, </i>bitterness grows just like the boabab trees on his planet. <br /><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">"<i>A baobab is something you will never, never be able to get rid of if you attend to it too late. It spreads over the entire planet. It bores clear through it with its roots. And if the planet is too small, and the baobabs are too many, they split it in pieces . ." <br /></i><br />If the boabab trees aren't uprooted in time, it can grow big enough to crush a planet into pieces.<i> </i>Luckily for Jesus we can get rid of bitter roots, but we definitely don't want them to grow into trees that'll take more time and effort to get rid of.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><i>"You must see to it that you pull up regularly all the baobabs, at the very first moment when they can be distinguished from the rosebushes which they resemble so closely in their earliest youth." <br /></i><br />At the early stages, a baobab tree closely resembles a rosebush, just like how bitterness could closely resemble a "fleeting thought" or "something small." But once we can see that it's something nasty and growing, we need to tend to our heart and uproot it right away.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><u><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Check Your Planet!</span></u></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">-Are you checking your heart regularly?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">-Are there any "rosebushes" that could actually be early stages of bitterness?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">-Are there boabab trees you need to uproot right now?</span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /><br /><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnDKPEwsb6F0JOsFl1-khfKLlDGE5AAk73zHlpN1KyxQiAmXQni23BT6ZjVGBTAtjsW42nwBS7CDkBSwEoQ-BX3FWaog8u2G9SpSldwYTfN8jLCwv8DKDpMfY_GNP5vEnJdLf2VAoQ51s/s300/LP-Ch6-1-300x245.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></span><span style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><img border="0" data-original-height="245" data-original-width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnDKPEwsb6F0JOsFl1-khfKLlDGE5AAk73zHlpN1KyxQiAmXQni23BT6ZjVGBTAtjsW42nwBS7CDkBSwEoQ-BX3FWaog8u2G9SpSldwYTfN8jLCwv8DKDpMfY_GNP5vEnJdLf2VAoQ51s/s0/LP-Ch6-1-300x245.png" /></span></span></a></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span><div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div><div><b><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></div><div><b><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></div><div><b><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></div><div><b><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></div><div><b><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></div><div><b><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></div><div><b><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></div><div><b><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></div><div><b><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></div><div><b><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></div><div><b><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana;">Inspired by Jennie Allen's Podcast about bitterness:<br /><b><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />Hebrews 12:12-16</span></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. <span style="background-color: #ffe599;">See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><u>Bitterness</u> - wrongs held on for a long time</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><u>Feelings of justification</u> - "I deserved _____" or "I didn't deserve _____"</b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b><u><span style="font-family: verdana;">Perspective Change</span></u></b></h3><div><b><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Philippians 3:8-10</span></b></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">"What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ"<br /><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">We need to be grounded by the fact that our hope and happiness is in God and not in this world. See your gain and count it as rubbish. We get Jesus and we get Heaven, you don't need whatever you're bitter about. Jesus laid down his rights over and over again and was constantly disrespected and misunderstood. "He knew that this world was only a minute, that it will work out in the end." When we shift our perspective onto the Kingdom, suddenly what we were bitter about seems so small. The world is temporary but Heaven is forever. That's why Matthew 6:33 says to "seek the kingdom first and His righteousness." Fixing bitterness isn't as simple as just having a perspective change, but it's the first step. The next step is to continue loving.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><u><span style="font-family: verdana;">Loving Imperfect People</span></u></h3></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>1 Corinthians 13:5 </b><br />"It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,<b> it keeps no record of wrongs.</b>" </span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">I have had relationships where I've been hurt over and over again. As each time it happens, the bitterness grows more. Eventually I kept track of it, "You're doing this again! Are you even trying? How could you do this to me again?" <b>But love keeps no record of wrongs. </b>Of course it's frustrating being hurt again and by the same person, but it eventually made me block out all the good. Like Jennie Allen says, "The opposite of bitterness is gratitude." How about all the good times and how grateful I am for this person? I only saw all the bad, so I pulled away from friendships rather than fight for them. </span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Bitterness crippled my joy in my relationships. Bitterness made me forget all that I love about a person. Bitterness was stealing, killing, and destroying.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>We will always be hurt in our relationships because we are imperfect human beings.</b> <b>"Can you love imperfect people? Can you let offenses go? Will you run away from conflict resolution?" </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><u>Wrestle with it in prayer, confront it, conflict resolve, you have to choose not to hold onto it.</u></span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span><h3 style="text-align: left;"><u><span style="font-family: verdana;">Renewing of the Mind</span></u></h3></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Romans 12:12</b><br />"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."</span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">We need to renew our mind when we approach bitterness. We have to change our mindset of wanting justification or wanting to "cancel" people. <i>But it's </i><b><i>normal</i></b><i> to be bitter, to throw shade, to gossip, to hold grudges.</i> <i>It's </i><b><i>normal</i></b><i> to get what I want, to fight for what I deserve. It's </i><b><i>normal </i></b><i>to drop friends that hurt me. </i>It's normal in the world but not normal in the Kingdom. This doesn't mean that people should walk all over you and allow them to hurt you. After being in the presence of God and having our hearts in the right place, we should instead approach the situation with intentions of love and peace. We shouldn't have the intent of judging, bringing the person down, and being self-seeking. Clearly state what's on your heart and be vulnerable, say what caused the bitterness. Get advice from people who aren't related in the situation/don't know the person. Don't gossip but get advice! It's extremely hard for me to do this because 1) I'm a conflict avoider 2) I'm prideful and don't want to be vulnerable about my feelings. But continue to wrestle with it in prayer and continue to fight those poisonous roots of bitterness.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span><h3 style="text-align: left;"><u><span style="font-family: verdana;">It Starts with You</span></u></h3></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Bitterness is <u>your own heart issue</u> that you need to resolve. You can get rid of bitter roots without getting justification. It's very tempting to approach a situation expecting the other person to apologize or to understand, but that won't always be the case. If you have those expectations, more bitter roots will just grow from your expectations not being met. Bitter roots can easily go away by talking with the person and having them respond in a loving, understanding way. That is the ideal situation, but not everyone will be loving and understanding. We can still get rid of bitterness by saying, "I'm hurt, this is how you made me feel, I still love you, and I forgive you." You've done the work, you've gone to God, and the rest is in His hands. </span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">You're already fighting Satan when you're being open and vulnerable and putting things into the light instead of keeping everything to yourself.</span></span></div><div><br /></div><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">"But Angelina, it's not possible to continue relationships with some people. There will be times where you really have to end a relationship." </span></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Yes but the Bible says, "<b>Make every effort </b>to live in peace with everyone and to be holy." Especially if that person is a brother or sister in the kingdom. But that's another topic for another time on "When should you let go of a relationship?"</span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">When people disappoint (and they </span><i>always</i><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span><span style="font-family: verdana;">do in some way) run to the Father.</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Continue to fight the good fight, and remember, "love never fails." </span></p><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><p><span style="font-size: medium;"></span><br /></p>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-47217122849215704532021-01-20T22:12:00.014+10:002022-01-17T00:42:43.876+10:00Delight in the Lord (Psalms 37:4)<p> </p><h2 data-en-clipboard="true" data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: center;"><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="color: #333333;">"</span><i><span style="color: #333333;">Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." </span></i></span></h2><hr /><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><u>Delight yourself in the Lord</u></span></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;">It's so tempting to brush past the first half and focus on God giving us the desires of our heart. But notice how it says, "take delight in the Lord, </span></span><b><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;">and...</span></span></b><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;">" Delighting ourselves in the Lord is a prerequisite, it must happen first before we get into the second half. But what does it mean to delight ourselves in the Lord?</span></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span data-markholder="true"></span></span></span></span></div><ul><li><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;">Delight in His word<br />-The Bible is a love letter to us, a book of hope</span></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;">-Read the Gospels & fall in love with Jesus</span></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;">-Fall in love with His life and use it as an example</span></span></span></div></li><li><span style="font-size: medium;"><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span><span style="color: #333333;">Delight in obeying His word<br />-</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333;">In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands (1 John 5:3)</span></span></li><li><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;">Delight in prayer</span></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;">-Talk to Him all day, everyday!</span></span></span></div></li><li><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;">Delight in fellowship</span></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;">-No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us (1 John 4:12)<br />-Being apart of the body to encourage, build, and call each other higher</span></span></span></div></li><li><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;">Delight in His kingdom</span></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;">-Thinking about the everlasting value knowing that this world and all we have are temporary and that God's kingdom lasts forever.</span></span></span></div></li><li><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;">Delight in His presence + love</span></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;">-Practicing thankfulness allows us to see God's hand and goodness. When life is rough and it's hard to be thankful for anything we can always fall back onto the cross. With no excuse Jesus is all we need to be thankful daily.</span></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;">-When we delight in His presence we stop looking at our circumstances and start looking at God. His presence is made known everyday.</span></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span data-markholder="true"></span></span></span></span></div></li></ul><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><u>The desires of our heart</u></span></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;">Feel good Christianity often times twist this verse by focusing on "God will give you the desires of your heart!" But delighting in the Lord calls for a lot of surrender, crucifying the flesh, courage, vulnerability, and an open heart. It takes perseverance and endurance to walk the life God set out for us. When we delight in the Lord we strip away our worldly desires and start desiring God's heart. <u>It becomes more about God, less about me.</u> It might sound like a painful process, but only then will we know true joy, peace, love, and have all our heart's desires fully met.</span></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span data-markholder="true"></span></span></span></span></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><i><span data-markholder="true"></span></i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><u>Personal Reflection</u></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>I've read this verse many times. I even remember listening to multiple lessons where the speaker talks about how God molds our hearts to desire what He desires. I responded with "well of course, that makes sense." But only this past year have I truly understood what this verse meant. </span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"> <span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>When COVID happened and all my 2020 plans were canceled, I questioned why God didn't allow my "good desires" to happen. I desired to graduate early, get a job, be more independent and start my life in New York. Although those desires aren't inherently bad, my heart was in the wrong place. I was idolizing my career. <i>"What was the best place to move to for theatre?" "What sort of connections do I need to be well informed about auditions?" "Where I do see myself 5 years later in the theatre world?" </i>I realized that my whole life revolved more around theatre than God! I never asked myself those questions for the Kingdom. Did I even have desires for the Kingdom? Sure, I desired for friends, family, and people around me to know God, but I wasn't thinking about how I could actually contribute and use my gifts! How can I help serve? How can I maximize my resources to reach out and build relationships? When God stripped away all my plans for the year I sat down with a blank canvas. I started asking myself the real question: "What will truly matter in eternity?"</span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"> <span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>After having that revelation, my heart's desires started to change. First off, I wanted to be more involved in the ministry. I desired to get training for leadership (and God willing go on a one year challenge). I desired to possibly lead something like a Bible talk, purity group, or help out in the teens ministry. Suddenly my heart was filled with excitement. I never saw ministry work as something "fun" and "exciting" but now it was. Having the day end knowing that I helped someone get closer to God and closer to Heaven just seems so fulfilling. I know that God will use my passion for theatre somewhere down the lines in the future, and I'm excited. I can't wait to see how God will continue to mold my heart to be more like His. </span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span> </span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuOCoSmSwznUt7HV3vvQel4RX9762sviltmN50C-aYgGwTQjxc2NrZLzixoJolMP_zMxUA-3TskCmQZ2lY5pEBcxy7pZIosbXzC8BYpMkOIJ8qIvXXVKLt6lTvxsdSHuVve3JadOEik9U/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img data-original-height="1638" data-original-width="2048" height="512" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuOCoSmSwznUt7HV3vvQel4RX9762sviltmN50C-aYgGwTQjxc2NrZLzixoJolMP_zMxUA-3TskCmQZ2lY5pEBcxy7pZIosbXzC8BYpMkOIJ8qIvXXVKLt6lTvxsdSHuVve3JadOEik9U/w640-h512/105926582_1179969325672298_2764446166130839986_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Picture credits to Sarah Anne Guzman :)</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><br /></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span data-markholder="true"></span></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span data-markholder="true"></span></span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 16px;">(Of course not <i>everyone</i> will desire to be in the ministry. How in the world would a church function like that haha! But it's just a personal testimony on what God has revealed to me.)</span></span></div><div><span data-fontfamily="serif"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><i><span style="color: #5a5a5a;"><span data-markholder="true"></span></span></i></span></span></div>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-20735848333601741562020-12-28T14:25:00.010+10:002020-12-29T12:59:09.777+10:00A Breakup that Ended with a Breakthrough<p><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp55JivcKKkHahra14mbs7iKyMvSpjf8SI9s6ojt6LLe_j9VPSThdvmkaHPXCWF3eDlkPmADa7_j9lN-YoEzuNj5l06Ort26MUsCc0BOUqfDbqn8Eo3_wZhWGKMR3FLbOevkTTfswwVsk/s2048/79145107_514777112582034_508878776180932608_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp55JivcKKkHahra14mbs7iKyMvSpjf8SI9s6ojt6LLe_j9VPSThdvmkaHPXCWF3eDlkPmADa7_j9lN-YoEzuNj5l06Ort26MUsCc0BOUqfDbqn8Eo3_wZhWGKMR3FLbOevkTTfswwVsk/w640-h480/79145107_514777112582034_508878776180932608_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span> </span>It's been a week since my boyfriend and I had a mutual breakup. I remember him telling me, "The only reason I'd break up with you is if I see that I'm dragging you down or distracting you... How about you?" I replied, "Yeah I'd only break up with you for the same reason." We were in sin, our eyes were off of God. It felt completely right to break it off.<br /><br /> I was completely fine with the breakup, in fact, it was a relief we did. I was more saddened by the fact that I was being a stumbling block than us breaking up. I was doing a lot better spiritually and I saw that he was doing a lot better spiritually too. I was filled with joy. Another reason I was filled with joy was because I was very optimistic that we were going to get back together. "<i>If things keep going as they are now, we'll be spiritually strong and we can restart our relationship with the correct foundations!</i>" Although that may be true, I didn't think about the possibility that this relationship might not be God's plan. I forgot to surrender to His will. I was so caught up with my optimism of getting back together that <u>I was focused on my plan rather than God's perfect plan.</u><br /><br /> My heart sank. <i>"There's a possibility that we aren't going to be together. There's a possibility that there is someone better for us spiritually. Or even a possibility that I'll just be single forever." </i>I had to remind myself to let go of control and remember that God's plan is the best plan and to surrender to His will. <br /><br /><i>“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11<br /></i><br /><i>"A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9</i><br /><br /> I don't even know what my role is in the ministry, how could I think of dating someone right now? Where am I going to move to? When will I return to New York? Will I just continue a long-distance relationship if he doesn't decide to move to New York? Will I stay for him? <br /><br /> I have a lot to pray about. All I know is that I want to continue working for God. I want to find out what my gifts are and use for the kingdom. God will make it clear what is the best for the both of us. And if He makes it clear that we shouldn't be together then it's fine because in the end <b>it is God who fills our every need.</b> <br /><br /> <span> I've learned a lot from our relationship: how easy it is to idolize people, how easy it is for me to find security, satisfaction, & sustenance in places other than God, how important it is to surround ourselves with older disciples, how deceitful our hearts are and the importance of asking for advice, how important it is to be vulnerable, how crucial it is to be honest & forthright when you need help, that being in a relationship is not about each other but how a couple could work together to advance God's kingdom, and so much more that I can go on and on about. I'm glad God was able to use this relationship that started off in sin to now refine our characters and draw us closer to Him. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /><br /></span><br /><br /><br /></p>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-54549247511677273122020-12-26T22:26:00.036+10:002021-04-26T18:43:13.118+10:00Work Produced by Faith, Labor Prompted by Love, Endurance Inspired by Hope<h2 style="text-align: center;">1 Thessalonians Chapter One </h2><p> <span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 14px;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">(v.3) We remember before our God and Father your</span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 14px;"> </span><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 14px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="--en-highlight: yellow; background-color: #ffef9e;"><u>work produced by faith</u></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 14px;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">, your</span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 14px;"> </span><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 14px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="--en-highlight: yellow; background-color: #ffef9e;"><u>labor prompted by love</u></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 14px;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">, and your</span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 14px;"> </span><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 14px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="--en-highlight: yellow; background-color: #ffef9e;"><u>endurance inspired by hope</u></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 14px;"> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 14px;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><i>in our Lord Jesus Christ</i>.</span></span></p><!--?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?-->
<ul style="font-family: Georgia; text-align: left;"><li><h3><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: large;"><u>“Work produced by faith”</u></span></h3><div style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">—> (James 2:26) For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead</span></div><div style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">—> (James 2:17) In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.</span></div><div style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">—> (Ephesians 2:10) For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.<br /><br /></span></div><div style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;"> — Our good works are the result of our salvation. It’s not what saves us but what we do after being saved. If we love God we will obey His commands. We work hard in whatever we can work hard in: school, job, family, relationships etc… Our good works show His glory, His love, and His amazing grace. <br /><br /></span></div></li><li><h3><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: large;"><u>“Labor prompted by love” </u></span></h3><div style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">—> (2 Corinthians 5:14) For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.</span></div><div style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">—> (1 John 4:19) We love because he first loved us.</span></div><div style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">—> (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) Biblical definition of love<br /><br /></span></div><div style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">— The motive of our works should always be love. We run away from sin because we love God more than our own sinful desires. We endure persecution because we love God. We evangelize because we know the love that God has for us and how much he wants us to also bring others to Him. Our labor should not have selfish motives or just be chores. We need to first fill ourselves with the love of Christ, only only then will our labor be prompted in love. Learn about His love, be filled by His love, show His love.<br /><br /></span></div></li><li><h3><u><span style="font-size: large;">“Endurance inspired by hope” </span></u></h3><div style="font-size: 18px;">—> (Hebrews 11:1) Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. </div><div style="font-size: 18px;">—> (Hebrews 6:19) We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.</div><div style="font-size: 18px;">—> (Romans 15:13) May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope</div><div style="font-size: 18px;">—> (Hebrews 12:1-2) Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.</div><div style="font-size: 18px;">—> (Romans 15:4) For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. <br /><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> - In a strange way, endurance produces hope and hope produces endurance. They work together. When we endure and follow Scripture, we can see how it is true and that gives us even more hope when trials come. And our hope in Christ motivates us to endure. </blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> </blockquote></div><div style="font-size: 18px;">—> (1 Peter 1:5-8) Kinda related to endurance<br /><br /></div><div style="font-size: 18px;">— I don’t even know which verses to put here for endurance and hope lol since they're so much to both of them. But I guess I’ll start with the question: what are we hoping for? Are we placing our hope on something other than Jesus? Do we have that faith in what we hope for? In all trials, in all sufferings, in all obstacles in our life we can have peace and joy because we have hope in the Lord. Jesus Christ is our hope and our motivator to keep enduring.</div></li></ul><div></div><div><div style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /><br /><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTDoghBOxV0EAmIrEYUGcoo0jrK8rcn8qXYG-WXIl8jb5bBH0hpYIvEUBytAMzI4oF55q0-AQjusj7o2eTDtLwIT8Yj8ibc9Yo3wLo6m6WyCaYJBWVWaUqByZUANUGTQ6FoSxF0gei3VM/s1386/50760534418_92cef31c75_o.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="850" data-original-width="1386" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTDoghBOxV0EAmIrEYUGcoo0jrK8rcn8qXYG-WXIl8jb5bBH0hpYIvEUBytAMzI4oF55q0-AQjusj7o2eTDtLwIT8Yj8ibc9Yo3wLo6m6WyCaYJBWVWaUqByZUANUGTQ6FoSxF0gei3VM/w400-h245/50760534418_92cef31c75_o.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">The title of this chapter is "Thanksgiving for the Thessalonians’ Faith." And it's inspiring to read why Paul is thankful for them. <br /><br /><u>Thessalonians' Faith:</u><br /></span><ul><li><span style="font-size: large;">Took the Gospel and used it powerfully<br />- "because our gospel came to you not simply with words but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and deep conviction" (v.5)</span></li><li><span style="font-size: large;">Their faith was evident to all those around them<br />- "The Lord’s message rang out from you not only in Macedonia and Achaia—<b>your faith in God has become known everywhere</b>" (v.8)</span></li></ul><div><span style="font-size: large;">Verse 3 stood out to me because it's almost like a summary of how our faith should shine. I love how it ends with "in our Lord Jesus Christ" because only when we are in Him is all of this possible. He is our hope, our strength, our motivator, our perfect example. </span></div></div></div>Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-32237305949917247602019-12-18T08:09:00.006+10:002021-04-14T22:13:59.643+10:00Who Will Trust You with True Riches? (Luke 16:1-15)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This parable has 3 characters: <br />→ a manager<br />→ his boss (a rich man)<br />→ debtors to the rich man<br />
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The manager is about to lose his position because his boss found out that he has been "wasting his goods". But before he gets fired, he finds his boss's debtors and tells them to write down a lower amount than what they actually owe. He gets on their good side and gains friends, so when he loses his job he has places to go to. His boss finds out what the manager has been doing and it says, "the master <i>commended</i> the dishonest manager because he had acting shrewdly" (v. 8). <br />
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Confused, I searched for commentaries and videos. The main message I'm getting from this parable is that Jesus is using a dishonest manager to show a number of characteristics we <u>shouldn't</u> do and then from verses 9-15 teaches us what to actually do. </span></div>
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<u><u><span style="font-size: medium;">Man in the parable</span></u></u></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
1) He's smart with money but is deceitful. </span></div>
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2) He prepares for the future knowing that he's going to lose his position.</span></div>
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3) He makes friends so when he does lose his job he has friends that will help him. "I know what I'll do so that, when I lost my job here, people will welcome me into their houses" (v. 4). </span></div>
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But he's doing all this to benefit himself. He's selfish, deceitful, and zealous for all the wrong reasons. I love how Jesus tells this parable when a group of Pharisees are listening because the manager basically represents them. "The Pharisees, who loved money, heard all this and were sneering at Jesus" (v. 14). <br />
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In the second part of the parable Jesus says, "For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than the people of the light." <br />
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<u>People of this world</u> = those who are still in the darkness<br />
<u>People of the light</u> = saved, disciples<br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<i>"If we pursued the Kingdom of God with the same vigor and zeal that the children of this world pursue profits and pleasure, we would live in an entirely different world."<br /></i>We need to be more zealous than those in the world when it comes to our walk with God!<br />
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He transitions into teaching them about "true riches". Being good with money doesn't matter if it doesn't have an eternal focus.</span></div>
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Jesus uses a dishonest man to show what we should do instead.</span></div>
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1) <b>Be smart with your what you're given.</b> "“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches?" (v. 10-11).</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
→ <u>Know what you need and know what you can give</u>.<br />
→ If we can't even handle what God is giving us on Earth how can we handle what we're given in the Kingdom!</span></div>
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2) <b>Prepare for the eternal future.</b> "I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves,<u> so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings</u>."<br />→ Are you remembering that we have an eternal home and that we should be focusing our money on eternal investments?</span></div>
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→ Not only will we lose our possessions but we will also lose our <u>position</u> here on Earth, and as disciples we have a position as an ambassador of Christ. <br />→ The man knew that he was going to lose his job, so he prepared for his future living situation. As disciples are we preparing for our life after this one?</span></div>
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→ Are you preparing others for the future that is to come?</span></div>
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3)<b> Make friends. </b>"<u>I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves</u>, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings" (v. 9).</span></div>
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→ the man in the parable made friends to fulfill his own needs, but Jesus is telling us to use money to help each other rather than helping ourselves.<br />→ It also reminded me of the verse where disciples were meeting each other's needs,"They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need" (Acts 2:45)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><u>Irony</u> ?</span></div>
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When the rich man finds out what the manager was doing he "commends the dishonest manager because he had done <i>wisely</i>"(v. 8 KJV). </span></div>
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Or in NIV it uses the word "shrewd" which means, "taking advantage of hidden opportunities.<br />
But would a boss really be complimenting someone who is stealing his money?</span></div>
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Perhaps this was irony for the Pharisees practicing deceit to benefit themselves + stealing money, to show that God will never say, "good job you're smart."<br /><br /><i>No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” Luke 16:13</i><br />
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<b>Reflection: </b><br />
This was an interesting parable to dissect and learn. It convicted me because I felt like I sounded like the dishonest manager. God has given me a position as a disciple as His ambassador and the gift of the Holy Spirit, and there are some days where I do feel like I'm "wasting his goods". How am I using what God has given me? If I can't even take care of the small tasks/gifts how can I take care of the big ones yet to come?<br />
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Something as simple as doing well in school, having good time management, doing simple Bible studies with friends are things I should be doing with zeal! </span></div>
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This <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mgOXUYOjjw" target="_blank">video</a> helped explain the parable for me.</span></div>
Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-11839218099189519102019-12-15T16:24:00.006+10:002020-12-28T22:04:36.516+10:00Worth More Than Many Sparrows<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." </span><br />.</i></div>
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I've always loved Luke 12:6-7, but I wondered, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><i>"why</i> <i>sparrows</i>?"</span></div>
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I understood the fact that sparrows were common, cheap birds (five sparrows for two pennies is pretty darn cheap), but I wanted to dig deeper.</span></div>
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Sparrows are one of the most common birds in the world, a normal shade of brown, and they eat anything they can find such as grain and weeds. Millions of them are found around the world that they became <u><b>agricultural pests</b></u>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><b>"<u>Common</u></b> species are, almost by definition,<b> <u>a bother</u></b>, <b><u>damaging</u></b> and in their sheer numbers, <b><u>ugly</u>"</b> (Dunn). They're even described as "a kind of brown-winged rat".</span></div>
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Sparrows are <b><u>ignored</u></b> by scientist who would rather study more rare birds, and <b><u>hated</u></b> by birdwatchers since they're a threat to other birds species (such as the bluebird). </span></div>
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Sparrows were such a bother to Mao Zedong that he deemed them as one of the four “great” pests of his regime and ordered them to be eradicated along with rats, mosquitoes and flies. (Dunn).</span></div>
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Believing that sparrows were the main cause of agricultural depletion (since they ate grain and grain seeds), he ordered people to kill every sparrow in sight. People started banging pans to get rid of sparrows, killing them, smashing their nests, and eggs. Thus starting "The Great Sparrow Wars."</span></div>
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<tr><td><span style="font-size: medium;"><img alt="Chinese Poster of The Great Sparrow War" height="400" src="https://fatfinch.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/sparrow-slingshot.jpg?w=203&h=300" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="270" /></span></td></tr>
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Too many sparrows were killed to the point the ecological balance was skewed. Not enough sparrows were eating insects and now the insects were devouring the crops, "resulting in a famine with more than 35,000,000 people dying of starvation" (The Fat Finch). Mao Zedong put an end to the war.</span></div>
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When sparrows were introduced in America, "an Indiana newspaper declared in 1883, “Let them all be killed" (The Fat Finch).</span></div>
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To sum it up, apparently no one likes sparrows.</span></div>
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Then I just thought, "Wow, I did not realize how hated sparrows were."</span></div>
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Yet God says, "<i>not one of them is forgotten by Him."</i></span></div>
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In verses 4 & 5, Jesus is saying this to His disciples because they were constantly afraid of persecutors that tried to imprison and even kill them. Jesus is trying to tell His disciples how much God values them. "Those who are persecuted are tempted to give in to the feeling that they are worthless and no one cares for them." He used this example of a sparrow; a bird hated so much, to show that if God cares about each and every sparrow how much more does He care about us!</span></div>
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I'm guilty of disregarding sparrows are common, boring, brown birds. But now every time I look at them I am reminded of God's amazing love. <i>You who are so small and disregarded by both animals and </i><i>humans are still so valuable to our Creator. He knows where you go and when you fall. He feeds you and cares for you. Not a single one is forgotten.</i></span></div>
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The verse started to have more impact on me. If a common bird like sparrows with little importance and worth to the world are so valuable to God, then I can't imagine how much God thinks about us! We are even created in God's image, fearfully and wonderfully made. We are the reason why Jesus came to Earth to die on the cross, He didn't die for sparrows but for us. Our Creator wanted to be with us so badly He sent His only Son. <b>We are never forgotten, we are so valuable in the eyes of our Creator.</b></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-size: medium;">References</span></u></div>
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<a href="https://enduringword.com/bible-commentary/luke-12/"><span style="font-size: medium;">https://enduringword.com/bible-commentary/luke-12/</span></a></div>
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<a href="https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/the-story-of-the-most-common-bird-in-the-world-113046500/"><span style="font-size: medium;">https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/the-story-of-the-most-common-bird-in-the-world-113046500/</span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://fatfinch.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/the-great-sparrow-wars/"></a><a href="https://fatfinch.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/the-great-sparrow-wars/">https://fatfinch.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/the-great-sparrow-wars/</a></span></div>
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Extra:</span></div>
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Another random thing came into my mind. It's interesting that sparrows were persecuted almost everywhere they were and Mao Zedong literally tried to kill them all. It wasn't until he killed almost all of them that he realizes that the sparrows were helping the crops rather than harming them. It's almost like an analogy to those persecuting disciples of Jesus. Persecutors thought Jesus and His followers were pests, but they're actually helping people leave their life of sin. Hmmm... maybe that comparison is a little too far-fetched, maybe? But my goodness I can't believe a famine started because of killing all the sparrows.</span></div>
Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0235 Main St, White Plains, NY 10601, USA41.0329547 -73.766111416.733883699999996 -115.0747054 65.3320257 -32.4575174tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-24859553604034072452019-12-12T15:50:00.003+10:002020-12-26T22:14:32.633+10:00Simply Loved <span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
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Dear Lord,<br />
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Last night I cried as I wrote down in my journal what was on my heart.<br />
<i>Scared, anxious, ashamed, insecure...</i><br />
As I wrote down my insecurities and everything that I was struggling with (such as self-reliance, codependency, jealousy, impurity etc...) I kept being reminded, <i>"Lord You know exactly how I feel, You understand."</i><br />
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<i>Lord, how could You send Your Son here where He suffered temptation and died for our sins? How can You love us so much?</i> I could question Your love for hours.<br />
But when I'm questioning You it's like I'm going up to Jesus on the cross and asking Him, "but do You <i>really</i> love me?" Of course You love me Lord, of course You do. </span></div>
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But it's those moments when I'm a mess; I wonder ... how can You still love me?<br />
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There were a lot of things You have revealed in my heart this year Lord. So many things I had to confront.<br />
I sat there in tears. I really didn't want to deny myself, it's so much easier to pretend everything is okay and stuff away the ugliness in the back of my heart. I was anxious, afraid, and definitely prideful. <br />
In tears I told You, <i>"but Lord it's so hard."</i><br />
I felt like You were telling me, <i>"I know it's hard, and I know you can do it."</i><br />
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I ended up writing 4 pages on what I've been struggling with for the past few months. <br />
I felt useless and questioned if You could really use me for Your plans. I felt discouraged when people I invited to Bible Talk don't show up and when I couldn't join/lead Bible studies. <br />
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<i>"Is something wrong with me?"</i> Again the feelings suffocate me: insecure, lonely, insignificant, and worthless. There were mornings where I didn't feel like there was a point to get out of bed. Even though sisters reassured and encouraged me about how I felt, I still struggled. I shamed and compared myself to others and thought I had to take on a certain persona to be liked. But through all that, You revealed so much in my heart.<br />
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You showed me that I confuse worldly standards with Your love. The world tells us that our value is in our achievements and works. But I'm valuable to You even when I'm a mess. You love me simply for me. You don't expect me to do anything.<br />
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I realized a childhood memory kept replaying in my mind like a broken record. In 3rd grade I showed my mom my progress report that had 4 B's. She was disappointed in me and ignored me that day. I felt unloved and abandoned (although I'm pretty sure she didn't).<br />
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Then I realized that I've been confusing that with Your love. I started to think that if I'm not getting "spiritual A's" then You will love me less, be disappointed, and ignore me.<br />
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Even though I was crying a storm, I felt peace. I surrendered it all to You. I truly started to understand that every test and trial happens for a reason.<br />
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<u>Perhaps You allowed a season of fruitlessness to show me Your love. Maybe You did it to make me realize that You love me even if I don't do anything for You.</u><br />
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I'm still struggling with competitiveness, comparing myself, and the mindset of "less than best isn't enough," but I know You will refine me Lord.<br />
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"I do not need to perform any more to let Him accept me - He already showed His acceptance by dying on the cross. I am accepted for who I am, not what I do. God accepted me not because I am the best, but [because] I am His daughter" (Xin's Story, <i>Secure in Heart</i> by Robin Weidner).</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><i><br /></i></span>You are my rock, my solid foundation, and my refiner. I pray that You will continue to reveal and refine all that's in my heart and that I will remember to stay secure in Your love.<br />
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Love,</span></div>
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Angelina</span></div>
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P.S. I'm still struggling to get out of bed. Maybe it's because I was crying past midnight and ended up going to bed at 3 a.m. (whoops). But I woke up to bright, white snow covering all the trees like in Narnia. It was a pleasant sight as the sky began to clear up and you could see the wind blowing snow off the trees. Thank You for reminding me of Your beauty and glory.</span></div>
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Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0White Plains, NY, USA41.033986200000008 -73.76290970000002340.938153700000008 -73.924271200000021 41.129818700000008 -73.601548200000025tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5488996380587844911.post-62834935600634938782019-12-06T15:47:00.014+10:002022-05-19T22:44:50.878+10:00Greater Purpose Not Yet Seen (Mark 5:18-20)<div>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;">I was rereading Mark this afternoon and a particular passage tugged my heart.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Mark 5:18-20 says,</span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span face="-apple-system-font"> </span><i>As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him. Jesus did not let him, but said, “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how He has had mercy on you.”</i></span></span></div><div style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; text-indent: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><br /></i>
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<b style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">When God says no…</span></b></h4>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;">I was thinking about how this man was feeling. He <b style="font-style: normal;">begged</b> to go with Jesus, <i>but Jesus did not let him</i>. Have you ever prayed about something so much but the answer was no? I have, many times.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">The man must’ve felt so disappointed to be replied with “no, go home". Tagging along with Jesus was every disciples' dream, especially since Jesus saved him from his demon possession. If I were him I would’ve been thinking: <i>Why was I not chosen to do this? Maybe it’s because I’m not good enough.</i> But why did Jesus say no? Isn’t following Him a great request?</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">"I’m sure it was hard for Jesus to tell him no, but he did. Why? Because </span><u style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">there was a greater purpose in him staying behind</u><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">” (Tuper). </span></span></div>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;">The man responded in obedience. Maybe he was discouraged or bitter at first but that didn't stop him from surrendering to God's will. In verse 20 it says, <i>"So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed.”</i> The Decapolis literally means “the ten cities,” mainly Greeks who lived there. Although it doesn’t specify, we could assume this man was a Gentile if going to Decapolis meant going home. By giving him this mission, this man was able to do what the apostles couldn’t do at the moment and through his testimony, <u>"all the people were amazed."</u></span></div>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;"><b>An Adventure Everywhere...</b></span></h4>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Then I just sat and thought, “wow, this man went through <b>10 cities</b> <b>alone</b> to tell people about Jesus" (it doesn't say in the Bible that he went to all 10 cities but I'd like to imagine that he did). <br /><br />An adventure isn<span style="line-height: 18px;">’</span>t limited to one location. </span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Of course going on a cool adventure with the Son of God sounds more exciting than going home, but </span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">following Jesus in His journey wasn't the only way for him to be a follower; the same way becoming a missionary </span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white;">isn't </span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">the only way</span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="line-height: 18px;"> to reach out to people.</span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"> Everywhere we are is our mission field. You don't need to wait to be somewhere to share your faith; it can be at work, school, or even at home. Our mission right now could simply be the people closest to us. </span><br />
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><br />But this wasn't a boring task; the man turned it into an adventure. He went through these cities sharing his faith. I wonder how many friends he made along the way and the places he visited? Am I utilizing my location and resources to make my faith sharing an adventure?<br /><br />We need to respond the same way the demon possessed man responded after being freed from his sufferings: overjoyed and compelled to tell everyone. I</span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">t felt like God was telling me, "be My witness wherever you are". </span><br />
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<b><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;">Uniquely Designed Witness </span></b></h4>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">This man had a testimony that none of the apostles had, and the apostles had testimonies that the demon-possessed man didn't have. Each one of us has a story about how we came to know Christ. </span></span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">He had a culture that was different, one that able to reach the Gentiles. It wasn't until Christ's ascension that the Apostles (Paul and Peter I think?) started missions to reach out to the Gentiles. I'm sure that the demon-possessed man helped a lot by planting seeds in their hearts.</span><br />
<span style="font-style: normal;"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><br />Are you reaching out to the people God has placed in your life? Who are the people around you now that don't know the Good News? How many of my friends and family have I not reached out to yet?<br /><br />"</span></span><i style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you</i><i style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-style: normal;">" convicted me. <br /></i><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;">Not about who we are in the world, but who we are in Christ</span></b></h4>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;">I love the similarities<span style="line-height: 18px;"> this</span> story has to the Samaritan woman, "<i>Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman's testimony"</i> (John 4:39).</span></div>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;">Jesus chose people that the world deemed as useless and nobodies to show that our strength does not lie in what we possess but that He could use anyone to show His strength. Jesus had a tax collector and fishermen as His chosen men. Jesus told a Samaritan woman <i>first</i> that He was the Messiah (women were second-class citizens and Samaritans were outcasts). A demon-possessed man who used to live in darkness became a shining witness in the Decapolis. Jesus doesn't just see our sins and shortcomings, He sees our potential to grow and change through Him. <u>It</u><u><span style="line-height: 18px;">’</span>s not about who we are in the world, but who we are in Christ.</u></span></div>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;">It makes my heart so full knowing that <b>every rejection is for a greater purpose not yet seen</b>.</span></div>
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Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11271384732003233976noreply@blogger.com0White Plains, NY, USA41.033986200000008 -73.76290970000002340.938153700000008 -73.924271200000021 41.129818700000008 -73.601548200000025