Sparrows and Lilies: October 2021

The book of Ruth starts with a famine and ends with a harvest. From empty to full. It resonated with me since I left New York empty: uncertain with theatre in the midst of COVID, brokenhearted from friendships, and weird family dynamics. Everything felt like it was in ruins. I write this as my 3rd spirthday is coming up tomorrow, and I see how God has started my year with a famine and ended with a harvest: new job, new friendships while building old ones, new apartment, new purpose, and a new perspective of God's love and faithfulness.

But it's not like I needed any of those gains to be full.

I wasn't empty because I lost friends, nor was it because I lost opportunities. It's not even because I had to leave the New York ministry and the joy of being in campus. I was empty the moment I failed to find my joy and satisfaction in Christ. I was empty when I failed to trust and surrender. And I was especially empty the moment I forgot how loved I am and how His grace and mercy abounds forever. I wrote a post back in August that I never published titled, "nothing you lose will keep you from staying filled," and that's exactly what it is. Christ alone is enough for me to be full.

As Kristin Schmucker describes Naomi, "What she failed to see was that she had left full of herself, and God had emptied her so that He could fill her."

"Naomi could not see the faithfulness of God because she was consumed by her past. She allowed herself to be defined by her circumstances instead of by her Creator."

Naomi wanted an outward harvest: a comfortable life where her family didn't have to struggle. That's why she left the land that God had given them. She decided to do things her way by leaving Bethlehem and going to Moab. That seemed like a safer, more secure choice. But she trusted in her choice more than God. I also wanted an outward harvest: strong friendships, doing Bible studies, and working in theatre. And just like Naomi leaving God's promised land, I had also left God's provision and promises to do things on my own. And the choices I made caused a famine in my heart.

And we know how the story goes in Ruth. Naomi loses her family and returns home, but this time with Ruth. Truthfully, Naomi's story should've ended with heartbreak and struggle. Women without a husband could not do anything. And we have Ruth, woman and foreigner. The odds were against them. Naomi returns home bitter and hopeless, but God says, "welcome home." He provides a guardian-redeemer and shows that He remains faithful even when we are faithless. And people that reflected God's character melted Naomi's bitter heart: Ruth's commitment and faithfulness and Boaz's providence and generosity.

I don't know where I'm going with all these Ruth references. I'm only halfway through the devotional book and it's already cutting me to the heart. Like when Nathan told David a parable in 2 Samuel 12:12 to make him realize his sin, sometimes we need to revisit stories to tell ourselves, "you are the man!" I'd never expect to relate to Naomi so much. But it's comforting to know that the God Naomi stayed faithful to is the same God we have today. Redeemer. Provider. Refiner.

Nothing has really changed: I'm still not doing theatre, the friends I lost I haven't gained back, and I'm still confused about the future. But when my eyes are realigned to Christ I remember that all of this is in His hands, and I see the present blessings clearly. When I lost everything I was trying to find fulfillment in, only then did I realize that true fulfillment and satisfaction was right in front of me...in our guardian-redeemer Jesus Christ.

Look at the waves I saw on the morning of my spirthday :)
10.03.21

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