Heart Work

Poisonous Roots of Bitterness


 



"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy." John 10:10

     Take the time to think in the thief's shoes. What areas are vulnerable to attacks right now? One of the biggest areas the Devil has been attacking me in is my relationships - friends, family, new relationships. With feeling isolated during covid and having a hard time keeping in contact with friends, it's very easy for the Enemy to step in and try to stir trouble. He wants to steal, kill, destroy all sense of companionship and intimacy so that I will feel lonely and grow a hardened, bitter heart towards people. Bitterness, envy, jealously, pride are my main culprits that steal, kill, and destroy a relationship. But out of four, bitterness is the sneakiest and most subtle way the Devil attacks. It starts small and before you know it it's everywhere, and that's why I wanted to write about the poisonous roots of bitterness.

     Bitterness is cancerous and infects everyone around you, but it does the most damage to your own heart. It robs you of your peace and joy and cripples your ability to be giving and loving. If you ever read The Little Prince, bitterness grows just like the boabab trees on his planet. 

"A baobab is something you will never, never be able to get rid of if you attend to it too late. It spreads over the entire planet. It bores clear through it with its roots. And if the planet is too small, and the baobabs are too many, they split it in pieces . ."

If the boabab trees aren't uprooted in time, it can grow big enough to crush a planet into pieces. Luckily for Jesus we can get rid of bitter roots, but we definitely don't want them to grow into trees that'll take more time and effort to get rid of.

"You must see to it that you pull up regularly all the baobabs, at the very first moment when they can be distinguished from the rosebushes which they resemble so closely in their earliest youth."

At the early stages, a baobab tree closely resembles a rosebush, just like how bitterness could closely resemble a "fleeting thought" or "something small." But once we can see that it's something nasty and growing, we need to tend to our heart and uproot it right away.

Check Your Planet!
-Are you checking your heart regularly?
-Are there any "rosebushes" that could actually be early stages of bitterness?
-Are there boabab trees you need to uproot right now?



                                                














Inspired by Jennie Allen's Podcast about bitterness:

Hebrews 12:12-16
Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. 


Bitterness - wrongs held on for a long time
Feelings of justification - "I deserved _____" or "I didn't deserve _____"


Perspective Change

Philippians 3:8-10
"What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ"

We need to be grounded by the fact that our hope and happiness is in God and not in this world. See your gain and count it as rubbish. We get Jesus and we get Heaven, you don't need whatever you're bitter about. Jesus laid down his rights over and over again and was constantly disrespected and misunderstood. "He knew that this world was only a minute, that it will work out in the end." When we shift our perspective onto the Kingdom, suddenly what we were bitter about seems so small. The world is temporary but Heaven is forever. That's why Matthew 6:33 says to "seek the kingdom first and His righteousness." Fixing bitterness isn't as simple as just having a perspective change, but it's the first step. The next step is to continue loving.

Loving Imperfect People

1 Corinthians 13:5 
"It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." 

I have had relationships where I've been hurt over and over again. As each time it happens, the bitterness grows more. Eventually I kept track of it, "You're doing this again! Are you even trying? How could you do this to me again?" But love keeps no record of wrongs. Of course it's frustrating being hurt again and by the same person, but it eventually made me block out all the good. Like Jennie Allen says, "The opposite of bitterness is gratitude." How about all the good times and how grateful I am for this person? I only saw all the bad, so I pulled away from friendships rather than fight for them. Bitterness crippled my joy in my relationships. Bitterness made me forget all that I love about a person. Bitterness was stealing, killing, and destroying.

We will always be hurt in our relationships because we are imperfect human beings. "Can you love imperfect people? Can you let offenses go? Will you run away from conflict resolution?"

Wrestle with it in prayer, confront it, conflict resolve, you have to choose not to hold onto it.

Renewing of the Mind

Romans 12:12
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

We need to renew our mind when we approach bitterness. We have to change our mindset of wanting justification or wanting to "cancel" people. But it's normal to be bitter, to throw shade, to gossip, to hold grudges. It's normal to get what I want, to fight for what I deserve. It's normal to drop friends that hurt me. It's normal in the world but not normal in the Kingdom. This doesn't mean that people should walk all over you and allow them to hurt you. After being in the presence of God and having our hearts in the right place, we should instead approach the situation with intentions of love and peace. We shouldn't have the intent of judging, bringing the person down, and being self-seeking. Clearly state what's on your heart and be vulnerable, say what caused the bitterness. Get advice from people who aren't related in the situation/don't know the person. Don't gossip but get advice! It's extremely hard for me to do this because 1) I'm a conflict avoider 2) I'm prideful and don't want to be vulnerable about my feelings. But continue to wrestle with it in prayer and continue to fight those poisonous roots of bitterness.


It Starts with You

Bitterness is your own heart issue that you need to resolve. You can get rid of bitter roots without getting justification. It's very tempting to approach a situation expecting the other person to apologize or to understand, but that won't always be the case. If you have those expectations, more bitter roots will just grow from your expectations not being met. Bitter roots can easily go away by talking with the person and having them respond in a loving, understanding way. That is the ideal situation, but not everyone will be loving and understanding. We can still get rid of bitterness by saying, "I'm hurt, this is how you made me feel, I still love you, and I forgive you." You've done the work, you've gone to God, and the rest is in His hands. You're already fighting Satan when you're being open and vulnerable and putting things into the light instead of keeping everything to yourself.

"But Angelina, it's not possible to continue relationships with some people. There will be times where you really have to end a relationship." Yes but the Bible says, "Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy." Especially if that person is a brother or sister in the kingdom. But that's another topic for another time on "When should you let go of a relationship?" When people disappoint (and they always do in some way) run to the Father. Continue to fight the good fight, and remember, "love never fails." 



Angelina

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