Ephesians 6:13

Therefore, put on the complete armor of God, so that you will be able to [successfully] resist and stand your ground in the evil day [of danger], and having done everything [that the crisis demands], to stand firm [in your place, fully prepared, immovable, victorious]. (AMP)

As I read this verse, I stop and pause at the word "stand." I picture a knight with full armor and sword dug into the dirt. He weakly raises his arm and grabs onto his sword for support. His whole body shakes as he tries his best to muster enough strength to stay standing, but his legs give out and he falls back onto his knees. He looks down. Hopeless. Defeated. I pause as I picture myself as this knight. Am I standing? No, I see myself as a knight struggling to get up. Even if we put on the full armor of God, the next step is to stand and fight. And choosing to fight back is a battle in it of itself. Doubt starts to creep in, you're tired from what feels like a never ending battle, and the Enemy seems to have the upper hand.

Perhaps you've been fighting for awhile and was constantly knocked to the ground. You start wondering if there's a point in standing back up again. "Am I strong enough?" "Is this battle worth fighting?" "Will this armor really protect me?" Hopelessness overtakes.

The pieces that we put on are all from God, not ourselves. It's not the full armor of me. It's not the full armor of friends and family. It's not even the full armor of the church. The armor that will sustain and secure us through the battle is from God. 

I just wanted to focus on fighting to stand, so I'm not going to go over the pieces. But here's the armor to refresh my own memory.

• belt of truth
• breastplate of righteousness
• gospel of peace
• shield of faith
• helmet of salvation
• sword of the spirit

Putting on the armor might sound like the easy part and then the hard part is going into battle. But actually, the hard part is surrendering our old ways of protection and fighting and to fully trust that the armor of God will protect us (or at least for me it is). But continue fighting to trust and stand firm to the truth. 

Are You Fighting Back?

We can deceive ourselves that we are fighting back. Our prayers can have words with no heart, we can read the Bible but not actually process what we're reading, and we can easily smile during fellowship and say, "I'm fine." There's a difference between surviving and thriving. Here are a few.

Surviving:

• going through each day
• hoping something will change one day while repeating old ways
• bare minimum 
• self-sufficiency + isolation

Thriving:

• repenting 
• seeing God's goodness through it all
• persevering and giving your all (whatever your "all" is at the moment)
• asking for help

Questions to ask yourself

• Are you putting up a fight to stand firm?
• Why do you think you're struggling to stand? (For me it's usually self-sufficiency, insecurity, despondency, and pride)

• 1 Peter 5:10
• 2 Corinthians 10:3-5
• Psalm 18
• 2 Peter 1:1-11

This blogpost has been sitting in the drafts for over 4 months. I don't like posting stuff where I'm not putting into practice what I'm writing (which is why I haven't posted my "steadfast in rest" post despite having a majority of it written out lollll). I can't remember which podcast said, "head knowledge is theology, heart knowledge is conviction." I can now say with confidence that I am at least fighting to stand.

A few weeks ago our service message was titled, "Do You Want to Get Well?" It talked about the man healed in Bethesda in John 5:1-15. What stood out to me was despite being by the pool that heals, the man doesn't try running into it. I mean, he has been sick for 38 years! How hopeless could he be feeling? I envision him sitting at a distance, watching everyone with stony eyes. You can hear distant footsteps splashing. Suddenly a shadow is casted over him, it's Jesus and he asks, "Do you want to get well?" Of course he wants to get well, yet his response to Jesus's question is not yes. His heart aches to say yes. He's tired, discouraged, and hurt. Can I even get well? Jesus extends His love and healing power. He tells the man to rise. The man stands.